Why I love the Bach

As the season of the Bachelorette will come to a close this Monday night all of America will be gathered around the television to answer two questions: Will Des find love or leave heartbroken? What will I do on Monday nights now since I can’t put my wit to the test with a sarcastic comment in 140 characters?

Well, maybe I will be the only one asking the second question.

To be completely honest and vulnerable I have a confession: I love the Bach. And by love, I mean I love to hate on it, make fun of the dates, talk to people through twitter and texting about each decision and rose, judge it, put myself in their shoes, the commentary mid-date that is plain weird if you were on a normal date, and plan my vacation locations for the rest of my life (only hoping ABC will pay for my dates).

I also love to integrate the Bach into normal day conversations. When my friends and I discuss our plans for the evening it’s fun to compare it to “group date” or if a friend is stuck between two different suitors pose the question: “is he good enough to get a rose if you were on a 2 on 1 date?”

 We also talk about how we would do if we had the chance to be on the show. Sure we’d probably have to stop eating for a couple hundred days, make sure our house is just big enough for camera crews if we make it to the final four, read a bunch of blogs on how to live a sorority girl life post college, and make sure that if our life hasn’t thrown us difficulties we would come up with a sob story that America could relate to (ie. Des probably grew up in a normal size house and had to work a part-time job during high school. Bachelorette style- I was living on the streets some nights, barely knew where my next meal would come from. I relate to Cinderella cause this one time I had to bus a table at work when the bus boy was on his break during my hostess shift. I have overcome such trying times in my life. And now I feel like my life is such a fairytale).

Of course though, as much as I hate on the show I do want there to be a happy ending, even if it looks like sister wives in the end. I’m still rooting for Sean and Catherine and was a little heartbroken when I realized that Jef and Emily were over. And by heartbroken, I mean the possibility of me running into Jef during my trips to Charlotte would be slim to none. Roses have thorns, Bachelor nation. 

But if anything I can thank the Bach for the community it has brought on Monday nights. While I do love live tweeting the event for the laughs it brings, I can live without it. Although, I don’t mind participating in it. I enjoy how it invites sometimes random friends into my life that I don’t always chat with to discuss the ridiculous moments of tears or comments. I can guarantee that every Monday night I will be gathered around the tv with friends across America, dying. Dying laughing. So what is there to hate on? Thanks Bachelorette for the most dramatic season eevvvveerrrrr and the laughing you’ve brought to my life. It’s been a good summer. 

Ps. Juan Pablo better be the next Bach. POR FAVOR. 

I just graduated college and I have everything figured out. - Said No One Ever

I’m fairly certain in the 30 seconds I heard my name called and I walked across the stage receiving my diploma I didn’t enter a huge vortex that brought me from adolescences to adulthood where I am suddenly focused on my 401 K and saving for my future children to go to college.

Or did I?

I mean it’s been a month since I’ve had that life altering vortex moment where my nights no longer consist of living on a dorm with all my friends and writing papers in between coffee dates and late night talks. I naturally should have it all figured out.

“This is Bethany and she just graduated,” a friend of mine said introducing me to her old boss.

“Congratulations Bethany! So…job?” he asked to politely creating a small conversation. 

But the way he said it I was glad I could answer yes because I’m fairly certain if I mentioned that I didn’t have the next step figured out I’d be clumped into the category of college graduates who aspire to start a “it’s not a job, it’s a career” at McDonald’s as the signs advertise so well.

Despite this gentleman’s question I don’t really think the man really thought I needed to have it figured out. It simply was a stab at small talk. But my oh so sensitive self in this season felt the need to seem like I have it all together and be able to ramble off where I’m purchasing my future retirement home and which charities I will spend my days volunteering in an effort to give back to the community.

The best thing is I know I’m not alone in the sentiments I’ve expressed. Several of my friends who jumped in the magical vortex are in the same place…kind of. We are all in the same place of figuring out what exactly we are supposed to make of the next few years of our lives but we aren’t all in the same step. I’ve got a job lined up even though I haven’t started. Several of my friends are getting married but don’t have a job quite yet. Others are working ridiculously hard at internships foregoing the summer of sitting at a pool reading a book hoping to be offered the dream job of a lifetime. Others are studying for their certification to be a nurse because four years of sleepless nights and 12-hour ER shifts don’t translate to a qualified nurse just quite yet.

And I’m sitting on my couch wanting to be a deck hand on a boat. I mean…what?

Confessions of Bethany Pico.  Here’s to vulnerability folks! I love boats. I love water. I love everything about the summer and the sea and it just seems magical to work on a boat so I can be paid to go out on the water and have an important task. It seems adventurous and a random fun fact I can spew to my adorable grandchildren. 

My parents aren’t so fond of the idea and when I tell them I look up jobs online,  amused isn't their first reaction. It’s okay, Mom, I won’t throw my life away on a boat (but isn’t that super biblical and what Jesus would do? We are supposed to be fishers of men! I’m like a disciple!)

Maybe just maybe this deck hand represents more of the place of life I’m in rather than my desire (well, I think they’re both incredibly valid).

I’m living in a constant state of transition out at sea not knowing which dock my boat will be tied on. What home will look like or if it's more of a feeling than a location. I’m sort of like a freshman stepping onto a college dorm for the first time thinking that since I put my comforter on the bed I should have it all figured out and no one will think I’m a freshman. The reality is I get lost taking a new path to the dining hall for a month straight. But sooner than later I find my way to the dining hall and I discover there are multiple ways to get there. Along the way I meet some weary and confused travelers who want to feel like they have it all together when they are secretly looking at a campus map tucked away on their phone.

Trade in a campus map to insurance, car payments, apartment and boyfriend searching (I mean, let's be honest haha) and you’ve got this college graduate on your hands.

 Luckily I’m not alone, which is one of the best parts. The friends who I found trying  to navigate to the dining hall are in this next season of questions and uncertainties. We all want something even though we aren’t quite sure what we are looking for. I think the biggest trap and lie we fall into is thinking in the sea of opportunity as soon as we get the job or the spouse we might get stuck and then we will wake up in 10 years wondering what went wrong in our decisions after graduating. 

We want so desperately to belong, have a home, feel settled yet at the same time we don't want to get too comfortable and waste our lives. We have the chance to really make the most of our lives, so we better not screw it up and we sure as heck best be able to have something to say of our 20s –whether that be an awesome promotion, lots of traveling, finding our spouse and holding our kids for the first time. 

While all those dreams are good and probable, we don’t ever arrive at what we are supposed to be even when we turn 30! I think we know this but in the transition it’s difficult to recall. Instead of a boat hand, a lot of the time I feel more like I’m lost at sea just wanting the next adventure yet fearful of the wave that might hit in the storm. I’m on the brink of turning 22 in the next month and the past few years have already been filled of incredible memories, deep heartaches, earnest prayers, and laughing so hard that it turns to tears.

In this season of becoming I must not forget that it takes time to figure things out. It’s a day by day process, moment by moment prayer. We all have fears of the future and don’t want to waste our life by making the wrong choice. It’s in those moments we need to find commodore amongst our fellow friends in the same season, look to our elders who have conquered the future listening to their triumphs and failures, and remember to not compare our path to the next person’s.

As we rejoice in our victories and grieve the losses, both our own and dear friends, we must not forget that the beauty of this season of becoming and uncertainty is we can rest in the reality that our heavenly Father is directing and ordaining each of our steps---both the fun ones, weary ones, heartbreaking and laughter-filled treasures. 

He knows exactly which circumstance will shape us to be prepared for what we will face.

So to my fellow graduates---just embrace each moment you’re presented with, we’ve got the rest of our lives to figure out we will never have it figured out.  

Speak

Tonight I watched the snowfall and blanket the earth from a big window sitting on a comfortable couch at my friend Alex's church in a small town in Ontario, Canada.

Besides Alex, I didn't know the friendly faces that were gathered around as we opened up God's word and began weekly Wednesday night Bible study.

My prayer as we began was for God to reveal His word something fresh--to wreck me with His scripture, convict where I needed conviction, be encouraged by others and also speak up and share whatever He laid on my heart to.

Lately, I've noticed that in group settings I take on several roles. Sometimes I'm the leader explaining a passage of scripture, other times I am the joke maker, often times I am the listener, and sometimes I add to the conversation. However, my tendency is to take everything in and to not speak at all because generally I can say something about anything (I'm an extrovert and a girl who likes to talk).

But on the flip-side my lack of talking can be a direct result of fear of what people would think of me if I opened up, a lack of ability to have something worth while or eloquently said or thought out, and believing the lies that what the Lord has put on my heart isn't from Him or people just wouldn't understand.

In the midst of people that I have come to know and love in Bible studies I am in, I somehow sit there in silence many times. I sit there thinking as other people open up and be real with me how I value them and respect their thoughts and who they are. That in the midst of their mess, they can recognize God's faithfulness and hand in every detail and are real enough to just be them.

I'm not saying that I am not completely me with my group of people, but for some reason I tend to be quieter version of me. When I am stripped to the core and it's just me, God's word and His people examining it, I don't always know what to say or do.

Tonight was different, however. Because tonight I was aware of my tendencies and postures in these settings. So what better way than in a group of complete strangers from another country to at least say something if God laid it on my heart? To push through the awkwardness of my insecurities and just be me? I hoped that God would make it clear to me in every way possible, and that He did.

Because in that church building with a few young women gathered around that were all strangers but my dear friend, a conversation about the exact thing I have been struggling with for the past few months emerged from the scripture. One girl asked an honest question about doubting the Lord. The conversation progressed into what to do in the midst of spiritual warfare and temptation, how to recognize the difference between conviction and condemnation, how to simply ask for prayer from friends when life and God and attacks of worthlessness and confusion come from all ends and it's too overwhelming to bear.

And in the middle of it all, I couldn't help but wonder if these perfect strangers had been listening to my prayers and conversations the past few months as they touched on every aspect of something near to my heart that the Lord has been teaching me and loving me in. The reality is though, we are all connected by the Holy Spirit in his family (which I know, but yet every time He is spot on in anything, I'm still in awe and surprised at the experience).

So tonight, even when it was awkward in the unfamiliarity of the situation (not to mention, this girl right here is from North Carolina and I was sitting in a church watching snow fall and no one was leaving in a hurry to buy bread and milk) I decided to speak. I don't think I said  anything super profound or life changing, but the words that God whispered to say. He asked me to leave my pride and insecurities at the door and to be open, honest and genuine as someone who had walked the road and is continuing to walk it. Obedience can be awkward, confusing and completely uncomfortable but the Lord is so incredibly faithful.

A Gracious Reminder

A simple yet profound prayer request was asked in Bible study last week: Please pray that God can give me the grace to see them the way He does.

Those words stuck with me for the week and will continue to be words I pray and live by.

Later on in the week my friend and I looked back at old pictures and posts from previous blogs of middle school years. As I sat in Starbucks reading the words I wrote as a 12 and 13 year old I couldn't help but laugh at my words and old pictures, remember where I was at and think about how far I've come, grown and matured since then.

I was embarrassed to a degree as I re-read thing and thought "What the heck was I thinking?"

Getting inside your early teen mind is as scary thing, I don't recommend often haha

But then the words of the prayer request from earlier in the week hit me in a beautiful way: that God can give me the grace to see them the way He does.

Wow. God never sits in heaven looking at us judging who we are, our actions out of immaturity or age appropriate behavior. No, He actually created us from our inception to enter earth completely helpless as a baby and grow.

He wasn't judging me in my helplessness, but provided parents who daily and patiently took care of me while simultaneously sustaining them and me in my infant state of being.

He didn't stop caring about me as my independence grew. In His graciousness, He loved me every state and even delighted in me.

And even now, as I write this as a 21 year-old college kid on the brink of graduation He is graciously taking care of me. God loves me when I think I have it all together and when I'm a complete mess wondering "Why is everything falling apart? Why am I hurting so badly? What is going on?"

He is my heavenly Father who is taking care of my every steps. So I echo the prayer:  that God gives me the grace to see myself where I'm at from His perspective and that I can walk alongside those He has placed in my life and graciously see them the way that He does and love them the way that He does.

Tear down the walls! :)

Today I had the opportunity to grab coffee with Camille and Chloe- two friends that I made essentially day one of freshman year. Chloe was one of my RA's as I rolled up to Dorm 3, an 18 year-old freshman in every aspect of the word. Camille and I would later become best friends in the coming months, despite the rocky beginning we joke about all the time. I also was Camille’s Prayer Leader, which is hilarious to think about from way back when. But God knew what He was doing in orchestrating our friendship.

I became a Prayer Leader almost day one at Liberty--where I was given the responsibility to lead, mentor and minister to five girls. I had no idea what it meant, and boy would I learn.

Two weeks ago I walked with Hannah, my Resident Director and friend, to the Circle because in the campus transformation of Liberty Dorm 3 was in the process of being torn down to build these awesome new dorms.

Despite the fact that Dorm 3 was so old and needed to be replaced, I am very sentimental and nostalgic. I mean, I've lived several places, but a bulldozer straight tearing down a building is an extreme way to say goodbye. 

I arrived at the Circle and despite my knowledge that Dorm 3 was gone, seeing only dirt and a bulldozer in the distance and my old home looking like an advertisement for a disaster relief commercial, I was still traumatized. I walked closer and talked the nice construction worker into letting me get a closer look. While Hannah stays back and takes pictures of me look at the destruction I see something that I will never forget. 

Every Monday, Wednesday, Friday at Liberty the RAs go around and do cleanliness checks while the students are in convo--something I do all the time as an RA now. As a freshman my roommates and I took this opportunity as an invitation to write notes to our RAs--sometimes it would be a witty comment, inside joke, note of encouragement etc. I mean, they were coming in our room already, why not write a note?

So every room check they got a note from us and they’d write a response back. We hung each of the notes they gave us by the mirror and sink along the wall. These notes filled up the wall in our room and something I'd re-read often and look forward to weekly that year.

So in the inevitable destruction of Dorm 3, I had the unique blessing to see this wall and remember where I came from and how special the influence they had on my life. Over coffee today I shared this story with Camille and Chloe and we looked back to that year and reflected on the memories and how much the Lord showed up that year--how much He showed up in teaching us what it meant to love each other, receive love, and live life together despite our imperfections.

How His hand was faithful in bringing me there, preparing me as a senior in high school to be a Prayer Leader on a hall who was planning their leadership team in the early stages. 

I think about the lessons I learned that year and how it set the tone and examples of how I would be an SLD and RA. How I learned how to be a Prayer Leader and the failures and successes I share in showing people the position and what God does. 

Living with people is messy business. But the beauty of it all is that God brings us people to teach us more about who He is in every interaction. My years on Dorm 3 were ones that have shaped me because of the conversations that took place in our humble abode.

Me, Camille, Jillian (my roomie) and Chloe, April 2010

In a cheesy metaphor--seeing the walls torn down and Dorm 3 stripped away, reminded me of how those years taught me to tear down walls and barriers with people and get to the core of relationships so that all is standing is the words from a dear friends who genuinely care to get work past our own insecurities, perceptions, backgrounds and quirks.

At the end of our conversation today we said in 5 years from now, we'll grab coffee again and catch up. We'll revisit the Dorm 3 days and think about the conversation today and how silly we sounded with a few more years of maturity and life experience under our belt, just like we did today looking back. And we'll rejoice in the Lord's faithfulness, sense of humor and lessons he taught us and continues to teach us to this day. 

The 3 of us today :)

Chloe said these words today which I love--"It's not about the glory days. It's about finding glory in each day." And those words ring in my ears. 

What am I supposed to do with my life?

God replies, "What are you doing with your life now?" 

Wednesday night at Campus Church Johnnie Moore asked the question that all of us ask at several points in our lives...sometimes daily. 

I was challenged with scripture and truths that I have learned throughout my time at Liberty and encouraged by the message. The question that was the reply from the Lord, which Johnnie offered stuck out for some reason.

I was challenged to literally examine what was going on at that very moment, who the Lord in His sovereignty had placed in my life at that exact moment, and what my next few minutes, hours and next few days looked like. 

At the start of every year people tend to make New Years Resolutions. I haven't made any this year, while I have in the past. One thing I have noticed though is that I prefer 30-day goals, something long enough to challenge but not too overwhelming that it seems unattainable so failure ensues in a week from discouragement. 

So what have I "resolved" from the lofty question of "What am I supposed to do with my life?" To look back on the Lord's faithfulness, hope and persevere for the future, and to be present. Being present is literally like unwrapping a gift every moment of the day (pun not originally intended). With God knowing me and I seeking Him, He is placing everything at every moment for me to find my next steps and the outcome is way better than anything I could have ever bargained for. 

I've concluded I must always walk in truth of who God is and trust that despite my inability to control everything He does. Once I've accepted that and begin walking in that reality, I should never grow complacent in my identity of who I am as a cop out. I am His child, thus nothing will change about His love for me or His faithfulness so the overflow is how I live and act. I should live each moment with the reality that the power of Jesus and His resurrection is with me. As an extrovert and people person present, Emmanuel, Jesus means so much. Just knowing I'm not alone. 

At Chick-Fil-A about 6 years ago,  16 year old me walked into the break room where the Owner/Operator Art TerKeurst was conversing with us. Art is a man I respect so much for his leadership, wisdom and example. I can't remember all the details of that day, but if I could guess I was probably a bit stressed out about my class load and trying to transition into my Chick-Fil-A working mind as I clocked in. 

Art asked me to do something for him. Okay, boss I'm ready. What can I do for you? "Bethany, I want you to go make people's days, okay?" For some reason those words have stuck with me after all these years. Art didn't tell me "Go take orders as fast as possible and make the most money for Chick-Fil-A. Your work is equivalent to the income." In fact, he told me the exact opposite. What he was asking me to do was to be the child of God I was created to be, walk in the truth of my identity and let the overflow be a blessing to everyone I interact with, including in my job. Art asked me to be present.

So what am I supposed to do with my life? I have a calling, just like you do. To walk in the truth of who I am and look at exactly at who and what is in front of me and act accordingly. That's how Jesus lived--He lived His life knowing who He was and loved, loved, loved. With that being said, we are to use our gifts and talents God has given us to love Him and others in a real and genuine way.

What am I supposed to do with my life? 

Six years ago it meant to share a smile with the guests in the drive-thru, tell a joke, ask strangers how their day was going and genuinely care about their answer, wash tables, answer to my bosses requests, refill drinks, make chicken--be present and make people's days.

And six years later when I don't know what I'm supposed to do with my life with graduation in a few month, the same sweet challenge applies—

 "What are you doing with your life now? The next few minutes? Hours? Days?" 

"As for other matters, brothers and sisters, we instructed you how to live in order to please God, as in fact you are living. Now we ask you and urge you in the Lord Jesus to do this more and more.  For you know what instructions we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus." 
1 Thessalonians 4:1-2

Horizontal Running

I love the movie "Pitch Perfect." I firmly believe that years from now it will be just as quoted and integrated into everyday life as "Mean Girls" has. Not sure what date we will be celebrating like October 3,but whatever day we choose it will be aca-awesome.

After over-dosing watching the movie 3 times the first week I saw it and a total of 4 times since it came out, I can't get over the wit, humor, music and most of all our dear friend: Fat Amy.

One of the funniest moments in the movie is when Fat Amy is avoiding running around the gym "Yeah. No. Don't put me down for cardio" and is found on a chair laying down. When asked what she is doing she responds on beat "horizontal running."

I can't help but appreciate all of the hilarity that movie brings and the character of Fat Amy. And like Fat Amy, I can relate to horizontal running.

Every break and transition, I kick into high gear and get into running and working out. I enjoy the runners high that it brings and simply just working out. Some semesters at school I've been better than others about making time for the gym, but this semester for a variety of reasons I didn't go as much as I'd like to. But funny thing, as soon as I got home I began to frequent the gym nearly everyday and I love it like I always do.

But in many ways I feel like working out for me is a bit like "horizontal running." (Bear with me for this analogy. I'm not saying I go to the gym and actually do "horizontal running" I'm not Jillian Michaels, but I do a real work out haha. Although I am tempted to try that motion just for the funny looks I'd get) When I go running in every break and transition in my life, it is a great coping mechanism. When I'm in a new place after moving, I like to run around to see the sights. I also like to simply just be in motion and feel like I'm being productive and getting something accomplished. By just like running on a treadmill or horizontal running, you never actually physically go anywhere. But for me I'm making progress.

I'm on the brink of my last semester of college. I've always been a student even though I've worked in between and I'm about to start going full swing into the unknown or as they say "commencement" with the rest of life. In the midst of that, I still have a full semester of being at school that I want to cherish and make the most of where I'm at while preparing in many ways for the future. This awkward middle and in-between makes me feel like I'm running full speed but laying down in the process because I'm not quite getting up yet and moving forward because it's not quite time yet, which is perfectly okay and I'm happy about. Yet, it's still a confusing place to be. Running has never intended to be "horizontal."

In an attempt to process it all, my initial reaction to facing anything is to run and remove myself from it. I never claimed this was the best coping mechanism. It's landed me sometimes in some really awkward situations of walking away from people to avoid conversations and that doesn't work because it looks strange and weird haha. But when I go on a run I can actually process and pray through each step and do something about my situation: get up and move. The other option is to continue being overwhelmed with being stagnant and avoid my situation completely. A run gives a fresh perspective and is a great method. Lately I've been listening to podcast sermons on my runs instead of music. I've had to mentally work through life situations and in that process I must continuously speak truth into my mind so that I don't believe the lies that are easy to latch onto. With that, I am learning to embrace exactly where I'm at and the pace I'm at.

So my conclusion about horizontal running? Well, every time I write those words is I laugh a bit to myself. In regards to my life situation, that's exactly what I'm going to continue to do-- continue to cherish the funny things and face life when step at a time and push forward even if for now I'm horizontal....next thing ya know, I'll be vertical running in the trajectory of what life brings.

Put it in the blog

Here is some Pico trivia. A prize will be awarded to the right answer...and by prize I mean a hearty pat on the back :) 

Where is my favorite spot in D.C to go? 

Trick question. I have a few. It depends upon what the spot means to me. For instance, my all-time favorite memorial in D.C. is WWII. I love the fountain where you shouldn't put your feet in during the summer to cool off, the unity of America with all the states, the history present, and the fact that it's smack in the middle of Abe and the pencil. 

If you were to ask me where my favorite look-out is, by all means it's the Kennedy Center. The sunsets on that building are breathtaking overlooking the Potomac. 

Favorite place to eat? Qdoba across from the FBI around the corner from H&M and more historically known, Fords Theatre. 

However, in the midst of the concrete jungle lies a real wild place- my all-time favorite spot in D.C.--the zoo. There is a category for this one....  And by zoo I mean more specifically the lions. I can't get enough of watching them. Despite the fact that D.C. has any history buffs and government majors ultimate heaven with incredible museums that literally house history that made this country, watching the lions are still my favorite spot. 

I decided this a few years ago. I can't remember when, but I just remember the lions pouncing on each other in a playful way. I read the little placard and found out they are social beings. My love for watching lions being lions has even made me like cats a bit. That's saying something because I could barely pet a cat. I'm a dog person. 

Today I ventured on out to the zoo with my lovely friends Patrice and Sheila. Despite the fact I've been to the zoo several times I can't quite get enough. If you find something good, keep it up. 

Several times throughout our adventure through the different exhibits watching the animals in a facade of their natural habit, we joked about starting a blog to put our thoughts and emotions about life. We coined the phrase "put it in the blog" as a comeback to the conversations and perspective. 

So yes, this a post partly dedicated that notion and partly because it's break and I tend to write a blog post on break. 

In my senior year at Liberty the lovely question in life is "What's next?" That, I don't know. But what I do know is I will be moving back to nova. And by back, I mean moving here for real--not just an extended stay during the summer months. 

I told my mom the other day that moving was a weird transition, especially being in college. I moved to nova, went to college, went back to Charlotte several times. My home has been three homes over the past few years. 

These years are a very unsettling time of life. But not always with a bad connotation. They are adventurous. New. Exciting. Different.

Yet, they are change nonetheless. My first summer here was one of change...then my second summer was change but in a way more exciting way. I experienced D.C. this past summer and remembered the reason I fell in love with it when I was 16 and I overlooked the Capitol during a rooftop dinner and realized that I would one day come back here and live. I don't think I realized it would come so soon, but then again, timing kind of happens. 

All that to say. Graduation is nearing in several months. And with that a new leaf. I am not quite ready to grow up, nor do I think I ever will. (You are reading a post from a girl who just went on a rant about how much I love watching lions at the zoo). But what I do know is that of all places for my family to move, I was blessed by the fact that two friends I met in my first few weeks at Liberty are returning to nova as well to begin life after Liberty. 

...so I'm putting it in the blog :) Today was a refreshing day filled with laughter and a good break in adventurous city watching animals play and being ridiculous. As Thanksgiving nears, and by Thanksgiving, I mean the Harvest celebration. I am thankful for fun days like today where I'm reminded of God's grace and sovereignty in my life in the little and big details. 

Encounters

Have you ever been just confused? Messed up? A thousand thoughts running through your head? Hurt?
Sure. We’ve all been there. One thing that helps me get through that is a friend coming alongside me. Put their arm around me and do a check-up. It usually plays out with the friend showing me and calling my bluff, because as humans we always try to hide where we’re at for fear of vulnerability.

“Bethany, what’s going on? How are you really doing?”

My friends says in a loving way. It’s at that moment, I usually breakdown and these “heart-to-heart” moments exist. To know that someone cares enough to ask that question, means the world.
This scenario played out this weekend. Except I had no friend coming alongside me. It was just me and Jesus.
I could hear him almost as clear as day.

“Bethany, what’s going on? How are you really doing?”

It was then. With the simple response I told Him. He already knew. And instead of getting frustrated with me for not getting it right all the time. He lovingly listened to my where my heart was at.

He is my best friend. How do I forget that?

Sometimes God uses people to be Him. Other times He shows up with just Him and Him alone. Being surrounded by His people I lose site of encountering Him and just Him.
It was a simple yet comforting overwhelming loving response.

“I know, Bethany. Trust me. I’ve got your back. I understand. I know your future. I know your heart. I know you. So just trust me. You know I see it all and love you so so so much and have exactly what’s best for you. I love you, my daughter.”

BAM. JOLT.

I was hugging Jesus’s neck.

Encounter’s with my Father like that.

New Stuff

God will always stretch you. As Justin Bieber once said. Never say never. I said I'd never shoot videos and edit them...and somehow with my job I have been tasked with that. This is the first one I've ever shot, edited etc and it was posted on Liberty's website and youtube site. Definitely a lot of room for improvement. I think God has a funny sense of humor...I am definitely not the most qualified, but I have this job and I am available and willing. So if ya get a chance, check it out. :)

The American Dream

The American Dream. 

This break I’ve been thinking a lot about this…traditionally the American Dream consists of the white picket fence, 2 1/2 kids, perfect job etc. You know the drill. The older I get and “closer” I get to asserting whatever “dreams” I want or have the more this dream really makes me angry. 

Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with having things or kids or a white picket fence living in America or even having dreams the perfect retirement location..nothing wrong with that at all. But our society has grown into an entitlement mentality where we think we deserve this dream…this dream is something to be attained, it’s deserved. It’s expected. We’ve lost the whole idea of work in general.

Besides that though, as a Christian this dream just simply doesn’t seem appealing at all. Now again, don’t get me wrong. With the Lord’s calling on my life I know I will probably live in America…it might be nice to even have a big house and have kids. My life might look somewhat like the “American Dream” but it’s the very thing I don’t want too. I don’t want this “perfect” looking life. Rather I want a life that glorifies the Lord in everything. 

If God financially blesses me with the opportunity to buy a big house. Okay. So be it. But let it be filled always with so many people. Let it be used for Bible studies, to take in my neighbors, a place full of love and people, a place where I can house missionaries…take in the homeless. Let God rock that house. It’s not mine, it’s His. 

I could go on for a while about all of this… but the main issue that keeps on coming up is I don’t want a “comfortable” life. (To be perfectly honest, I really would love to go into missions in every single way possible. But for whatever reason, God has said no. He made that clear as day…essentially as if He told me in an audible voice. And with that I have confidence in my next steps, although missions seem to be the “dream” I want…but again, it’s not about me).

I want to be stretched, to live biblically… The church has seem to lost this. I was listening to a Francis Chan sermon and he suggested if you read the Bible on a desert island and that’s all you know about Christianity or the church and then you walk into our church today, you’d be really confused. There is a ridiculous amount of truth in that. I want to be Christ-like, not the image of Christ we have created.

I’ve got one life to live. And now’s the chance to make the difference. Today. Tomorrow. The rest of my years, how ever many I had. As much as I miss Charlotte, moving away was probably the best thing for me…because I can get out of my comfort zone and cut my ties in way. I want to be used by God because I know Him and the power of his resurrection in such a real way… I want to proclaim the gospel in every single way possible. For to me to live is Christ, to die is gain.

And retirement? I don’t know if I want that. As awesome as a paradise resort would be drinking pina coladas, wouldn’t living my last days working for the gospel of Christ be the only logical conclusion to this life here on earth before crossing into God’s kingdom? 

This isn’t home. It’s a temporal place where we are here to proclaim Christ, be love to everyone. 

The only way to live is to be constantly aware of the next life. 

Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you will get neither - C.S. Lewis

The Man Who Stole My Heart

Meet Erick Casa, my little man. 

God has been laying on my heart for quite sometime to sponsor a child…and every time I mean to do it, I don’t. On my drive to and from nova to Charlotte I downloaded some sermons, not knowing the topics, just knowing the pastors were legit. Both sermons were about being the church outside of the walls and the commandment to love God, love people. Take care of widows and orphans. Help the poor.

I couldn’t help think about how I want to travel and go do something out in the world as well as well as my community. God has laid so much on my heart, and I want to do so much for kingdom. I’m not going to wait, even if I can’t go, I’ll find a way to do something. Even if it’s a little something, I want to do it. One thing God has blessed me with is a job—and with that I try to find ways to bless people with my finances in my circle, but I want it to extend beyond that.

So to make sure I didn’t forget or get distracted, I quickly put a note on my phone. 

Choosing a child might have been the hardest. But not really at the same time. I went in with one purpose, while looking at all the cute faces was so much fun, I’m sponsoring a child that has the same birthday as mine. Anyone who knows me, knows how much I love birthdays in general and I love my own. So in choosing a child I wanted to have an automatic connection with him…and a birthday is a strong connection. Erick was the only one I found with my birthday. I could’t take my eyes off this little guy. Erick will turn 5 when I turn 21 :)

To top it off, Erick is from Bolivia- a Spanish speaking country! So I can write letters to him in his language. 

My prayer for this year is for me to be used in ways I can’t imagine…to know God and make him known in more ways than I ever have before. 

Let this year be different. Let it be good. May God’s name be proclaimed to the ends of the earth. 

Take this heart
Set it on fire
Shining in the dark
I wanna tell the world of who You are
All I am is Yours

I give You all my life
I’m letting it go
A living sacrifice
No longer my own
All I am is Yours
All I am is Yours

Carolina in my mind

I guess my last post was musical in nature, so here's to keeping a trending topic.

I'm currently listening to James Taylor "Carolina In My Mind." While this song has meant more to me since leaving the Carolina's officially the past summer, it has much sentimental value. 

Trip down memory lane: My junior year in high school my friends Sharon and Rasesh were all studying and doing homework at my little apartment. We had a fun time multitasking with Ultimate Frisbee of course, so after that time we came back inside and started working. The phone rings. Caller I.D. O boy, it's my crazy New York Uncle calling. Probably best if I let it go to the answering machine. These were the days where my family still had a house phone and answering machine where you can hear the other person leaving a message...basically scanning the calls at its finest. 

So not knowing what would happen next, I just let the phone ring and hope that he would hang up. Well my Uncle never does that. So next thing you know we hear this terribly  hilarious New York accent without any introduction begin to sing, "innn mmmyyy minnnddd I'm goiiiinnnggg to Carolllinnna." He proceeded to sing for us on the answering machine for what felt like forever. But a good forever because Rasesh, Sharon, and I just looked at each other and busted out laughing. Naturally, he didn't say anything. No introduction, no closing "Call me back." He just sang. 

I explained after the laughter that's just the way my Uncle is and luckily we could appreciate his humor that night. 

Speaking of my Uncle, later down the road when I was on the radio last semester he would call multiple times to the station and ask for me...or talk to my friends on the other line...they didn't know what was going on and  literally had a "look." They handed me the phone and through the New York mumbling somehow made it out, "Pico, I think the phone is for you." He eventually stopped calling. Hilarious moments. 

All that to say, I am no longer going to Carolina in my mind. I hit the road, Lord willing, this Wednesday to go see the Carolina blue skies and be reunited with friends. I haven't been "home" since June and I am very much so anticipating it. 

But at the end of the day, God has been teaching me so much since leaving. Sometimes picking up roots and leaving the town and people I so dearly love can rock  your world and give you so much fresh perspective on life. While the process has not always been fun, the Lord has been faithful...and the best part is I can always go back to Carolina. 

I'm expecting it to be a good trip of reconnecting, lots of laughter, helping two friends prepare for their summer wedding. But at the same time, I know God might have other plans. I want to be used by Him this trip. My prayer is that He will teach me and use me in ways I can never imagine. I also pray that this trip will be an energizing and refreshing time. As always, He is directing my steps. For whatever this little trip has in store for me, I couldn't be more excited right now. I was hit hard with homesickness in random sprouts throughout that past month at Liberty, but now that I'm in NOVA and I'm content here...it's been good to be with family! So for now, I'm going to Carolina in my mind. But come Wednesday...i've gone to Carolina. 

Dark and silent late last night

I think I might have heard the highway calling

Geese in flight and dogs that bite

Signs that might be omens say I'm going, going

I'm goin' to Carolina in my mind

-James Taylor

The life of a melodramatic nerd

To B or not to B. 

I used to hate those kids in high school that talk about a B. Seriously would make me so angry...I would do anything for a B sometimes, and yet now I am saddened...haha. The life of a melodramatic nerd.

An 89 might possibly be the sickest joke...actually the point system is 890/1000...ten more points in one area...ten small points for the one assignment I slacked on.

Come on prof! Come on Pico! (Yes, I refer to myself by my last name...judge away).

The worst part is it's in Health 400. My lowest scoring classes in college are kind of entertaining at best: Spanish (I look Hispanic and fool most people that I am Spanish when I speak or exist for that matter...No I'm not Hispanic creepy guys that were checking me out at the Chinese restaurant today); Theology (I am an SLD and have been studying scriptures since birth); and Health (...okay, i wasn't really into infectious diseases and had my dear friend Chloe get me out of class for that....but I guess that says a lot about how I take care of myself? I'm an addict...to coffee. I didn't listen).

So here closes the part where I give myself a reality check. A 'B' is not the worst thing that could happen in my life and to be perfectly honest I am not even really upset about it (despite devoting a whole post to it). I even look forward to the humorous comments my parents are going to make... The Spanish conversation was the best. 

Here's to a great semester, in all honesty, I am blessed that I have the privilege of getting the education that I have! And a B matches my name. Boom!

Sing for joy- every girl every boy

I always tend to write a new post when I start breaks. So why break a new tradition? Transitions require a blog post.

I'm not exactly inspired at the moment to write anything deep or profound...or serious reflections of something that has happened, so I'll paint the picture for you of my life.


A beautiful December night the snow has turned this city white


Yesterday I took my last exam at around 1030 AM. By the time the exam came around, I was mentally checked out. But it was okay- I was stress free afterwards. Before that I woke up around 8 after having dreamed the whole night about bringing different people to the airport. With the real-life interactions, I'd say I pulled a mental all-nighter haha.

Let them ring. 

Finals week everyone has a different personality. It's quite entertaining at best. I joke it's a good thing I don't go to an Ivy League school, because everyone would have the "I just studied my guts out/I'm stressing about this" 24/7. They would also probably cope with partying as hard as they study.

I said I paint a picture of my life, and I failed to do that already. I'm sitting in my very clean room (white glove room checks) on my still made bed (don't want to get rid of the comfort quite yet) listening to Phil Wickham's Christmas album. The door is open and I can hear the few people on the hall. My wonderful-awesome-hilarious roomie is walking in and out getting ready for the day.

Today I woke up at 8 AM. Why? Because my friends wanted one last family breakfast with a good guy friend from our bro dorm before he headed out for Puerto Rico. And despite Kate (my roomie) and I groaning as we arose about our love for our bed, we we're ready for the quality time with each other.

Yesterday was a highlight of my semester. Maybe because I finished finals...nah. Probably because as tired as my eyes were, I was able to relax and just enjoy the people around me on the hall that God has graciously given me. I have this peaceful-thankful heart and would love to just live and cherish this moment forever.

They looked up and saw a star shining in the east 

Break is coming up. And I feel good about it. It's my first Christmas not in Charlotte....and man do I miss home. Homesickness has swept over hardcore the past few weeks. But I get to go home the end of the month. For that I'm stoked. The days pass quicker and too quick though. I'm going on a month break from school and part of me wishes it was August so I could cherish these moments one more time over. But that's okay, because as I sit here enjoying Phil's Christmas jam....

Sing for joy 

I'm a fan of every season- it ushers in a fresh perspective on life and appreciation for the present. And I'll stop before getting to philosophical.

O Come let us adore Him now

"I loveee you!!" Is what I just heard in the hall after I just got up to say goodbye to another friend.

Conclusion: It's been a different kind of semester (and honestly, I used to fear those words, but it's okay because it's a good different), a joyous time of learning, of ups and downs like every season, a time of self-introspection where God gently points me back to His grace, and a time where I will look back and say
"Man, college- those were some of the best years of my life. I'm grateful for the people who changed my life and these unique experiences of growth, fun, laughter, tears, trials, and joy."

30 more days and I return. Excited for the break and excited to return. Let's bring it.

Let's all within us praise his holy name. 

Thanksgiving Break

Tomorrow I go back to Northern Virginia to commence my Thanksgiving break. I am super excited to spend time with my family and just relax...and do homework (hopefully). I'll probably explore DC or the nova area because there is always something to do around there. My goal is to find a good study spot--cute coffee shop? I think yes.

As excited as I am to have a bit of a break from college I haven't been able to get Charlotte off my mind this whole week. Everyone I'm talking to is anticipating going home and have plans with to catch up with their family, spend time with friends etc. I have some plans as well but I haven't been dwelling on it too much cause so I don't get homesick...It's a weird place to be knowing that I won't be riding south to the crisp...but probably still hot Charlotte air and its surroundings that literally brings a smile off my face when I exit on 485 to Stonecrest.

In this hybrid state of my family moving and still having ties elsewhere, sometimes I make myself nervous with the little details I forget. The other day I literally couldn't even remember the name of the town my family moved to, to save my life...and usually as a nerd I am ridiculously good with details.

I have been blessed with good solid friends from Liberty that live in nova and some new friends from the summer I hope to catch up with. I just can't get over the familiarity of home...driving to Qdoba, Chickfila, Calvary, Starbucks, my friends houses where I just seem to be at peace, catching up with people that know me. I joked that I'll probably wind up skyping all my Charlotte friends over break. Truth is, that's probably true. I'll be back in the area for Christmas break for a little bit which is not that far off at all. It's not the end of the world not being able to go "home." With all the change, I am grateful for the familiarity of nova now and the adventures that can occur and am thankful for God's blessings.

Sometimes I just miss home and all that it entails.

To whom it may concern:

Sometimes I wonder if you exist.

I really hate it when my insecurities get the best of me.

I know there are godly men out there...I know them....but none of them are for me. Yet.

So maybe one of these days we'll have our "cute meet" and we'll both have that twinkle in our eyes.

And then you can write the long letter of thanks and send the multiple texts for organizing things to get the special moment for ready for me.


Yeah, I know life isn't a fairy tale or a chick flick.  Praise God for that.

But for now, I'm content waiting.

God's way.

Sometimes its hard...but I'll be ready for you when it's our time.

Til then, I'm continuing on this adventure called life and figuring out my steps.

The Calm

I wouldn't say I'm in a funk, but I guess I kind of am. It seems like everything is going on around me and there isn't anything major hitting me (which is great). The Lord has given me relief this semester from direct storms for quite sometime, which I am beyond grateful for...but the other day I found myself thinking "God where's the trial?" And that's a dangerous question. It's not like I'm testing God, which it can sound like that being written down but I'm almost confused at the relief. God has allowed me to live very prosperously the past few months and I have been counting my blessings left and right.

 I have been falling more in love with Him in different ways than I have in the past and my relationship with Him has been one where He responds to me directly in prayer...God knows the desires of my hearts and I'm struggling in different ways than I have before...nothing terrible, just different. He keeps on telling me like a loving Father, "I know Bethany. Be patient my daughter." It's difficult sometimes to be patient. I want to rush into things or for just things to happen but I have to remain true in the truths that I have owned about God's faithfulness and directing my steps. It seems as soon as I claim being content God tests my heart on it...in those moments He gently reminds me of His character and His love.

There is a season for everything.

Right now I am finding my contentment in where I am at and I am grateful for the calm...even though sometimes it keeps me up at night. Strange how things can be haha. My resting is in Him and Him alone.

I apologize if all of this doesn't make sense, my mind isn't always the best at communicating.

It matters

"Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and  slow to become angry."

"If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless."

"With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring?  My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water."

My steps are directed

Recently I have come to the conclusion that God literally just places in me in situations. Most of the time I have no idea why I do what I do...it could be my interests, a sudden urge to get up out of my chair and walk somewhere, or just doing what I'm doing...not really asking for anything, but the opportunity is open. I don't always get the full plan He has, but it's okay because He does.

And He has been confirming His complete faithfulness to me so many ways these past few weeks. I am humbled by his grace and the opportunity I am allowed to participate in. With my new job I have had the privilege of being able to interview and meet some well-known speakers which seems kind of surreal. Even more surreal than that though, today I got a phone call from the government school inviting me to a reception with Michele Bachmann after convo Wed with a limited guest list and then to a reception for the Attorney General of VA. I didn't really know how to react because I feel very undeserving. I am not the best or most rehearsed in politics. I care on a daily basis about the things closest to my heart--my family, best friends, academics, making people's days and being an encouragement, and having fun and sweet conversations.

I don't really belong sometimes in the world I've been in, but for some reason God is arranging the details, making the plans for me and giving me a phone call and placement. I don't expect my life to change on Wed or anything of the sorts, nor even to meet Bachmann, but the experience is priceless and just another way that God is showing Himself faithful to me as I stay faithful to the call He has on my life. Of this I'm sure, I'm glad that I have no idea what the future holds, because I'm pretty sure I'd be scared out of my mind. I like the moment by moment direction. I need that.

May I never take His direction on my life foregranted nor forget How good He really is.