My Prayer

Satisfy- Tenth Avenue North

Before the sun has touched the sky
Colors bursting from Your eyes
Before the flood of the morning light
Before the earth has felt Your heat
Before I stand up to my feet
Before I begin to feel this weak

Satisfy me Lord, oh oh
Satisfy me Lord, oh oh
I'm begging You, to help me see
You're all I want, You're all I need
Oh, satisfy me Lord

When the day is closing in
Like the stars in the night I am falling
Into the pull of the earth and it's affection
In me, oh lord, can you create
A pure heart cause I'm afraid
That I just might run back to the things I hate

Satisfy me Lord, oh oh
Satisfy me Lord, oh oh
Yeah, I'm begging You, to help me see
You're all I want, You're all I need
Oh, satisfy me Lord

You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You're more than all this world can give
You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You're love is all I need to live
You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You're more than all this world can give
You're beautiful, more beautiful
You're love is all I need to live

O Dorm 3 of last year

Well I just came back from an old dorm reunion and it was absolutely amazing to see everyone all together. It's crazy how much it felt like a real family reunion...those were people I lived with for a year and developed life-long friendships with. Now that's not to say that this year is bad at all and I really can't compare it. I absolutely love the girls of Dorm 3 now, it's just different. As awesome as it would be to all be together again it was only for a year which is the really cool thing because now we've all moved away for the most part to different halls and have continued on with our lives developing new friendships and pursuing new things. I'm grateful for the amazing foundation I had my freshman year and how much it solidified my faith being amongst great company all the time. I feel as if I can face any challenge that comes my way because I know that my God is with me. The amazing thing about that is that God shows us that by being a messenger through his people and last year I met and developed friendships with people who have shown that to me and have loved me as the Lord would.
That's what was so awesome about the family we were last year- the community we had in Christ. We had some pretty fun times, late night talks, randomness, constant tiredness and deliriousness from always soaking up and enjoying each other's presence, and laughing way too much. I also met people where we have a bond where we can be there for each other no matter what time of the day--to be hold each other while we cry and face our trials or comfort one another in love. These friendships continue to this day and for that I am grateful.
... sometimes though I wish that with certain people we could just go back in time and start over again or be in a time where things were good. Being around those people tonight it almost felt the same, but I know that it's not. It was cool though if only for a minute did it feel like the good ol' days...But I can't live in the past nor do I want to... people change but and so do friendships.
Changing of friendships isn't necessarily a bad thing though, I guess just in some cases... Some of the girls I knew last year I am so much better friends with this year and I can't imagine life without them...summer changes things for sure!
I'm living for the here and now. Memories are quite awesome and I can't wait to write some more. God is so awesome to allow me the opportunity to live this life and to not only meet some amazing women of God, but have the chance to live with some of the best 70 girls ever :)

Loving Life

So this will be a quick post... but it's been a while since I've last written. I just wanted to say that I have absolutely been loving life. After fall break I came back to school refresed and rejuvenated. I went through a low point and was feeling pressure on all ends. I realized that I couldn't do things on my own and every moment of every day must be centered around the gospel...giving God glory for everything and every moment. Putting Him first and living every moment as if it was my last is a difficult thing to remember sometimes, but He has shown me how involved He is in my life...and for that I'm grateful. The Lord is so good, all the time and I can have His joy regardless of my human emotions I may be experiencing. Lately I've been enjoying the blessing of happiness, realizing that is a true gift from God and anything can happen to change it. But still, I will remain faithful and joyful despite my emotional being because I know who my God is and that He is awesome all the time.

It's a Process

I have to write an English paper. I went to church in the morning, lunch, dorm, C-LAB. I read the poem, read the article. I highlighted and annotated. I checked facebook a few times in between. I got coffee. I am sitting here now writing. Yesterday I had the plan to write this paper so that I could enjoy my Sunday and not stress. I went for a run. I did my biology homework. I took a friend out for her birthday and then watched Eclipse. I returned to my dorm and enjoyed my Saturday night with the random late night activities that accompany dorm life. I am not at a loss for words when I speak of my life. When I contemplate where I am and how I am feeling. In terms of writing a critical dialogue on "Thanatopsis" by William Cullen Bryant I am not at a loss for words. However, trying to merge my thoughts and talk about them on paper with the person who wrote this article I have to speak of, I am not quite sure. It's a process. I want to eat dinner. But I also want to go to Bible Study. I still have to do my Spanish homework which I don't quiero hacer. It's a process.

Contemplating the process of writing this paper, I don't know if I have gotten better at the process of writing or not. I have experience. I know how to do it...yet each time when I sit to do it I don't love the process or the brain power. I enjoy the final product. The understanding of what I have done. The reflecting. The return of a good-grade for hard work and effort. The process generally enjoys a few times I really want to give up, procrastinate, or avoid it. I know I have done it before, but each paper is different. Maybe the skills I had in the past were sharper, better, not as easily distracted due to ignorance of other things.

Writing a paper is analogous to life. It's a process...I don't like what I am necessarily going through and I try to avoid it or work through it little by little. I have coping mechanisms. I have fun times sporadically in between, I reflect, I move on, I try again, I mess-up, I edit, I get up to get coffee, I start over, I fail, I get an A, I work hard even if I don't see why I am working...


....it's a process....

Home

Well, I got what I needed...and being in the midst of it I have a free moment to blog about life. Yes, I am home in Charlotte, NC. I had been debating this trip for the entire week. The plan was to surprise my parents, but they were thinking about going to the beach, but couldn't make up their minds so I just told them I was coming home. It's weird cause I never really wanted to come home last year. Not because I didn't want to see Charlotte etc, but I never actually missed it. I remember the days when Thanksgiving break felt like forever away from my friends on the dorm, Christmas was even worse, spring break an adjustment?, Summer was just plain good ol' conditioning, and now look at me---I want to be home...strange how things are. But on the flip-side the reason I came home was because I needed to be refreshed. I needed to sleep in my own bed, watch some mindless TV, do homework in a different location from the CLAB quiet study zone, drive a car around town, go to Walmart, go to my church, spend some quality time with my family, and of course I can't not mention Yoforia (which I got last night after being back within an hour, and will prob get at least 2 more times). It's crazy to think that two places can feel just as much like home to me and I can go to either one and be content. I am here to be refreshed and to just get away for a day from things I love (ie. dorm life, friends, the Rot (ok no) ) but sometimes ya need to just get away. I've been learning a lot this semester about who I am and what I'm made of. It's a long process and I'm still in the midst of it (as always), but that's alright God's not done with me yet.
Well I'm off, my mom's brewing some coffee and I know there is going to be an AMAZING breakfast awaiting me downstairs!!! ahh. I love being home :)

Vacation

it would be totally awesome to have a vacation right now. from life, school, work, everything....well, these are the thoughts i have at the beginning of the day without any coffee in me. lately it's been taking a few cup of coffees to get through the day....i feel stressed on all ends, yet God is extremely faithful in all things and i praise Him through it all. i know that i've been challenged in ways i couldn't have expected and it's not bad things necessarily, just things that i need to work out and are tend to stress me out, even a week later. this semester has been an interesting one so far but also the absolute time of my life. i am completely content with everything that's going on i just need a little bit of a break. today is one of those days i wish i had a car so i could just drive and drive and drive off campus, away from the norm, relax in a park, go to walmart and buy stuff i need. just simple things. i miss home, but i love it here. gotta love the two worlds.

Just what I needed

I have been loving life here at Liberty so much! Despite the crazy schedule, countless meetings, ministry and classes I want to simply state two things I love at the moment and am very thankful to God for:

1. The pool. Yes, east campus swimming pool. It was really nice weather, not exactly pool weather the first few weeks but summer has arrived again and I have taken this opportunity to go to the pool. I went yest with some girls and today by myself. It was physically refreshing being in the water and swimming, relaxing, and I was able to spend sometime with God, lay out, and read for school. Over all an amazing thing!

2. The futon. I love having a couch in my room! It's incredible and feels so homey just to be able to sit on something else besides my bed and I love having it. It's a very inviting to the room and I am grateful for this gift from God from a dear friend

3. Yes, I know I'd say two--but I love building new friendships and seeing good friends as well. The community at Liberty is indescribable to any where else in the world. And I am grateful for all the laughs I have had the past few days :)