Thanks Lorraine

My first car, Lorraine Irene Pico, a 1990 Buick La Saber, is quite the car. She has her quirks to say the least such as how to lock the doors, the windows, not having a tape player that worked (solution- i bought speakers and plugged my i-pod in). I got her for a dollar while in high school. As much as I would have loved to have air conditioning and windows that went down (both drivers side windows don't go down, but the other ones do. however, for the passenger side in order to get the window down you have to press the down button on that side and direct it with the drivers side) she overall was amazing. For the summer I had a sweet fan that mainly blew hot air, but it was still nice to have. I also been known to drive with ice packs and lots of water.

This summer I took her into the shop for the first and last time ever when she was deemed un-fixable and un-safe to drive..oops!

We have been meaning to junk her for some cash but my parents have not gotten around to it yet. It's okay though, because honestly even though I can't drive her anywhere I like being able to look outside my window and know that she's out there. I know I use pronouns to describe her, but I feel because she's such an old car Lorraine had such a personality...she's my little Herbie.

I have had a pretty tough semester, full of ups and downs, but I don't think anyone could have warned me for the change sophomore year brings. I have had moments where I really just wanted to give up. Even last night where I said to God--really? My life is devoted to discipling 6 girls. Sometimes I feel like I don't have a social life apart from that...I'm tired, I'm stressed, I have homework, I want to give up. He gently reminded my: you gave me your life and said use it for my glory. I have you where I want you and will give you grace to do anything you need to. Come find rest in me. Psalm 62.

I think if I didn't have Thanksgiving break I don't know if I would have been able to make it to the end of the semester. I was so stressed that I was becoming physically ill, with migraine headaches, stomach problems, sleep deprived etc. I really don't know.


But Thanksgiving break did come and I am grateful for that. I had the opportunity to have some good alone time at home...On Tuesday my family was out and about and I decided to workout inside and then I went for a run outside. It was so freeing and rejuvenating to run under the blue skies in the sunshine in almost 70 degree weather in November! Ahh. I came back to my house and decided to sit on the back of Lorraine and I laid down in the sun.

I don't know how long I was there for, but it was quite sometime. I began to think about my life and count my blessings and just be thankful to the Lord for who He is, for the opportunities I have had, for the amazing people He has put in my life, for everything...I felt the tendency to sulk in self-pity as well though, but I sat up and looked at the trunk of the car where I had put bumper stickers this summer. There are three: one with a someone riding a bike, playing frisbee, and in a hot tub. Each of them read "Life is Good." I couldn't help but smile thinking about how good my life is and how much I enjoy each of those activities and how refreshing they are. I continued to lay in the sun, count my blessings, and remembered- Life is good and I have such a loving God!

Even if Lorraine isn't drivable anymore, I am grateful for the moments I can have with her still. Time of quietness and the ability to be refreshed.

Life is good.

Sweet Carolina

O North Carolina how you are on my mind. I get to sit back and relax under your blue skies for 10 days beginning tomorrow. I think since I've come to college I appreciate you so much more. I may have even embraced my way inner country because those are essentially the only songs about you. But it's okay, because Carolina you're home. I will see you soon.
Now only two more quizzes and a fun time with some friends before I see you...
*sings* going carolina in my mind.....Baby, lets take a drive, top down,Underneath the Carolina sky, We can watch the fireflies, Try to outshine the stars :) :) :)

My Prayer

Satisfy- Tenth Avenue North

Before the sun has touched the sky
Colors bursting from Your eyes
Before the flood of the morning light
Before the earth has felt Your heat
Before I stand up to my feet
Before I begin to feel this weak

Satisfy me Lord, oh oh
Satisfy me Lord, oh oh
I'm begging You, to help me see
You're all I want, You're all I need
Oh, satisfy me Lord

When the day is closing in
Like the stars in the night I am falling
Into the pull of the earth and it's affection
In me, oh lord, can you create
A pure heart cause I'm afraid
That I just might run back to the things I hate

Satisfy me Lord, oh oh
Satisfy me Lord, oh oh
Yeah, I'm begging You, to help me see
You're all I want, You're all I need
Oh, satisfy me Lord

You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You're more than all this world can give
You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You're love is all I need to live
You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You're more than all this world can give
You're beautiful, more beautiful
You're love is all I need to live

O Dorm 3 of last year

Well I just came back from an old dorm reunion and it was absolutely amazing to see everyone all together. It's crazy how much it felt like a real family reunion...those were people I lived with for a year and developed life-long friendships with. Now that's not to say that this year is bad at all and I really can't compare it. I absolutely love the girls of Dorm 3 now, it's just different. As awesome as it would be to all be together again it was only for a year which is the really cool thing because now we've all moved away for the most part to different halls and have continued on with our lives developing new friendships and pursuing new things. I'm grateful for the amazing foundation I had my freshman year and how much it solidified my faith being amongst great company all the time. I feel as if I can face any challenge that comes my way because I know that my God is with me. The amazing thing about that is that God shows us that by being a messenger through his people and last year I met and developed friendships with people who have shown that to me and have loved me as the Lord would.
That's what was so awesome about the family we were last year- the community we had in Christ. We had some pretty fun times, late night talks, randomness, constant tiredness and deliriousness from always soaking up and enjoying each other's presence, and laughing way too much. I also met people where we have a bond where we can be there for each other no matter what time of the day--to be hold each other while we cry and face our trials or comfort one another in love. These friendships continue to this day and for that I am grateful.
... sometimes though I wish that with certain people we could just go back in time and start over again or be in a time where things were good. Being around those people tonight it almost felt the same, but I know that it's not. It was cool though if only for a minute did it feel like the good ol' days...But I can't live in the past nor do I want to... people change but and so do friendships.
Changing of friendships isn't necessarily a bad thing though, I guess just in some cases... Some of the girls I knew last year I am so much better friends with this year and I can't imagine life without them...summer changes things for sure!
I'm living for the here and now. Memories are quite awesome and I can't wait to write some more. God is so awesome to allow me the opportunity to live this life and to not only meet some amazing women of God, but have the chance to live with some of the best 70 girls ever :)

Loving Life

So this will be a quick post... but it's been a while since I've last written. I just wanted to say that I have absolutely been loving life. After fall break I came back to school refresed and rejuvenated. I went through a low point and was feeling pressure on all ends. I realized that I couldn't do things on my own and every moment of every day must be centered around the gospel...giving God glory for everything and every moment. Putting Him first and living every moment as if it was my last is a difficult thing to remember sometimes, but He has shown me how involved He is in my life...and for that I'm grateful. The Lord is so good, all the time and I can have His joy regardless of my human emotions I may be experiencing. Lately I've been enjoying the blessing of happiness, realizing that is a true gift from God and anything can happen to change it. But still, I will remain faithful and joyful despite my emotional being because I know who my God is and that He is awesome all the time.

It's a Process

I have to write an English paper. I went to church in the morning, lunch, dorm, C-LAB. I read the poem, read the article. I highlighted and annotated. I checked facebook a few times in between. I got coffee. I am sitting here now writing. Yesterday I had the plan to write this paper so that I could enjoy my Sunday and not stress. I went for a run. I did my biology homework. I took a friend out for her birthday and then watched Eclipse. I returned to my dorm and enjoyed my Saturday night with the random late night activities that accompany dorm life. I am not at a loss for words when I speak of my life. When I contemplate where I am and how I am feeling. In terms of writing a critical dialogue on "Thanatopsis" by William Cullen Bryant I am not at a loss for words. However, trying to merge my thoughts and talk about them on paper with the person who wrote this article I have to speak of, I am not quite sure. It's a process. I want to eat dinner. But I also want to go to Bible Study. I still have to do my Spanish homework which I don't quiero hacer. It's a process.

Contemplating the process of writing this paper, I don't know if I have gotten better at the process of writing or not. I have experience. I know how to do it...yet each time when I sit to do it I don't love the process or the brain power. I enjoy the final product. The understanding of what I have done. The reflecting. The return of a good-grade for hard work and effort. The process generally enjoys a few times I really want to give up, procrastinate, or avoid it. I know I have done it before, but each paper is different. Maybe the skills I had in the past were sharper, better, not as easily distracted due to ignorance of other things.

Writing a paper is analogous to life. It's a process...I don't like what I am necessarily going through and I try to avoid it or work through it little by little. I have coping mechanisms. I have fun times sporadically in between, I reflect, I move on, I try again, I mess-up, I edit, I get up to get coffee, I start over, I fail, I get an A, I work hard even if I don't see why I am working...


....it's a process....

Home

Well, I got what I needed...and being in the midst of it I have a free moment to blog about life. Yes, I am home in Charlotte, NC. I had been debating this trip for the entire week. The plan was to surprise my parents, but they were thinking about going to the beach, but couldn't make up their minds so I just told them I was coming home. It's weird cause I never really wanted to come home last year. Not because I didn't want to see Charlotte etc, but I never actually missed it. I remember the days when Thanksgiving break felt like forever away from my friends on the dorm, Christmas was even worse, spring break an adjustment?, Summer was just plain good ol' conditioning, and now look at me---I want to be home...strange how things are. But on the flip-side the reason I came home was because I needed to be refreshed. I needed to sleep in my own bed, watch some mindless TV, do homework in a different location from the CLAB quiet study zone, drive a car around town, go to Walmart, go to my church, spend some quality time with my family, and of course I can't not mention Yoforia (which I got last night after being back within an hour, and will prob get at least 2 more times). It's crazy to think that two places can feel just as much like home to me and I can go to either one and be content. I am here to be refreshed and to just get away for a day from things I love (ie. dorm life, friends, the Rot (ok no) ) but sometimes ya need to just get away. I've been learning a lot this semester about who I am and what I'm made of. It's a long process and I'm still in the midst of it (as always), but that's alright God's not done with me yet.
Well I'm off, my mom's brewing some coffee and I know there is going to be an AMAZING breakfast awaiting me downstairs!!! ahh. I love being home :)