Communication

I like to think that I am a good communicator. I am in touch with the English language, it's intricacies (not always grammar though, so don't judge), picking up on social cues, assessing situations and knowing what to say. I have an argumentative nature as well and know that sometimes I can be manipulative if I want, especially with my speech. I was hanging out with my best friend yesterday and she said I could talk my way out of anything. I laughed and acknowledged I do have a gift (no pride. ha).
But this gift, while it has helped me in many ways relate to people and make friendships, can also hurt me in the long run. I have said really really really stupid stuff. My filter isn't always on and I have complete garbage come out of my mouth...while sometimes I am dead on, other times, I am selfish, and just say what's on my mind rather than truly thinking of what the other person may need to hear or in many cases doesn't need to hear. Words have the power for life and death...and sometimes, the latter applies for me. I tear down, when I want to build up, or worse...my intentions are selfish and, for lack of better words: epic fail.
So to the few people that actually read this blog, while I know there aren't many, this is just a rant on how I should essentially shut-up sometimes. I am sorry and apologize if I have hurt you with my speech or not recognizing your needs above my own. I say some really stupid stuff sometimes and I acknowledge this "epic fail."
On the flip-side, most of the time when I get caught in this verbal fail, my intentions are generally right...I just lack in the communication (or lack in not knowing what to say). I am attempting to become more intutive and could kick myself for lacking sometimes. I am a work in progress.
Like a close friend once told me, once it's said, you can't take it back. You know the thought...I think of Heart of Darkness an amazing book that shows this concept antithetically. The theme "man is lost without restraint." I need to practice self-control just like Marlow did.
I love you all and will hopefully get better.