Why I love the Bach

As the season of the Bachelorette will come to a close this Monday night all of America will be gathered around the television to answer two questions: Will Des find love or leave heartbroken? What will I do on Monday nights now since I can’t put my wit to the test with a sarcastic comment in 140 characters?

Well, maybe I will be the only one asking the second question.

To be completely honest and vulnerable I have a confession: I love the Bach. And by love, I mean I love to hate on it, make fun of the dates, talk to people through twitter and texting about each decision and rose, judge it, put myself in their shoes, the commentary mid-date that is plain weird if you were on a normal date, and plan my vacation locations for the rest of my life (only hoping ABC will pay for my dates).

I also love to integrate the Bach into normal day conversations. When my friends and I discuss our plans for the evening it’s fun to compare it to “group date” or if a friend is stuck between two different suitors pose the question: “is he good enough to get a rose if you were on a 2 on 1 date?”

 We also talk about how we would do if we had the chance to be on the show. Sure we’d probably have to stop eating for a couple hundred days, make sure our house is just big enough for camera crews if we make it to the final four, read a bunch of blogs on how to live a sorority girl life post college, and make sure that if our life hasn’t thrown us difficulties we would come up with a sob story that America could relate to (ie. Des probably grew up in a normal size house and had to work a part-time job during high school. Bachelorette style- I was living on the streets some nights, barely knew where my next meal would come from. I relate to Cinderella cause this one time I had to bus a table at work when the bus boy was on his break during my hostess shift. I have overcome such trying times in my life. And now I feel like my life is such a fairytale).

Of course though, as much as I hate on the show I do want there to be a happy ending, even if it looks like sister wives in the end. I’m still rooting for Sean and Catherine and was a little heartbroken when I realized that Jef and Emily were over. And by heartbroken, I mean the possibility of me running into Jef during my trips to Charlotte would be slim to none. Roses have thorns, Bachelor nation. 

But if anything I can thank the Bach for the community it has brought on Monday nights. While I do love live tweeting the event for the laughs it brings, I can live without it. Although, I don’t mind participating in it. I enjoy how it invites sometimes random friends into my life that I don’t always chat with to discuss the ridiculous moments of tears or comments. I can guarantee that every Monday night I will be gathered around the tv with friends across America, dying. Dying laughing. So what is there to hate on? Thanks Bachelorette for the most dramatic season eevvvveerrrrr and the laughing you’ve brought to my life. It’s been a good summer. 

Ps. Juan Pablo better be the next Bach. POR FAVOR. 

I just graduated college and I have everything figured out. - Said No One Ever

I’m fairly certain in the 30 seconds I heard my name called and I walked across the stage receiving my diploma I didn’t enter a huge vortex that brought me from adolescences to adulthood where I am suddenly focused on my 401 K and saving for my future children to go to college.

Or did I?

I mean it’s been a month since I’ve had that life altering vortex moment where my nights no longer consist of living on a dorm with all my friends and writing papers in between coffee dates and late night talks. I naturally should have it all figured out.

“This is Bethany and she just graduated,” a friend of mine said introducing me to her old boss.

“Congratulations Bethany! So…job?” he asked to politely creating a small conversation. 

But the way he said it I was glad I could answer yes because I’m fairly certain if I mentioned that I didn’t have the next step figured out I’d be clumped into the category of college graduates who aspire to start a “it’s not a job, it’s a career” at McDonald’s as the signs advertise so well.

Despite this gentleman’s question I don’t really think the man really thought I needed to have it figured out. It simply was a stab at small talk. But my oh so sensitive self in this season felt the need to seem like I have it all together and be able to ramble off where I’m purchasing my future retirement home and which charities I will spend my days volunteering in an effort to give back to the community.

The best thing is I know I’m not alone in the sentiments I’ve expressed. Several of my friends who jumped in the magical vortex are in the same place…kind of. We are all in the same place of figuring out what exactly we are supposed to make of the next few years of our lives but we aren’t all in the same step. I’ve got a job lined up even though I haven’t started. Several of my friends are getting married but don’t have a job quite yet. Others are working ridiculously hard at internships foregoing the summer of sitting at a pool reading a book hoping to be offered the dream job of a lifetime. Others are studying for their certification to be a nurse because four years of sleepless nights and 12-hour ER shifts don’t translate to a qualified nurse just quite yet.

And I’m sitting on my couch wanting to be a deck hand on a boat. I mean…what?

Confessions of Bethany Pico.  Here’s to vulnerability folks! I love boats. I love water. I love everything about the summer and the sea and it just seems magical to work on a boat so I can be paid to go out on the water and have an important task. It seems adventurous and a random fun fact I can spew to my adorable grandchildren. 

My parents aren’t so fond of the idea and when I tell them I look up jobs online,  amused isn't their first reaction. It’s okay, Mom, I won’t throw my life away on a boat (but isn’t that super biblical and what Jesus would do? We are supposed to be fishers of men! I’m like a disciple!)

Maybe just maybe this deck hand represents more of the place of life I’m in rather than my desire (well, I think they’re both incredibly valid).

I’m living in a constant state of transition out at sea not knowing which dock my boat will be tied on. What home will look like or if it's more of a feeling than a location. I’m sort of like a freshman stepping onto a college dorm for the first time thinking that since I put my comforter on the bed I should have it all figured out and no one will think I’m a freshman. The reality is I get lost taking a new path to the dining hall for a month straight. But sooner than later I find my way to the dining hall and I discover there are multiple ways to get there. Along the way I meet some weary and confused travelers who want to feel like they have it all together when they are secretly looking at a campus map tucked away on their phone.

Trade in a campus map to insurance, car payments, apartment and boyfriend searching (I mean, let's be honest haha) and you’ve got this college graduate on your hands.

 Luckily I’m not alone, which is one of the best parts. The friends who I found trying  to navigate to the dining hall are in this next season of questions and uncertainties. We all want something even though we aren’t quite sure what we are looking for. I think the biggest trap and lie we fall into is thinking in the sea of opportunity as soon as we get the job or the spouse we might get stuck and then we will wake up in 10 years wondering what went wrong in our decisions after graduating. 

We want so desperately to belong, have a home, feel settled yet at the same time we don't want to get too comfortable and waste our lives. We have the chance to really make the most of our lives, so we better not screw it up and we sure as heck best be able to have something to say of our 20s –whether that be an awesome promotion, lots of traveling, finding our spouse and holding our kids for the first time. 

While all those dreams are good and probable, we don’t ever arrive at what we are supposed to be even when we turn 30! I think we know this but in the transition it’s difficult to recall. Instead of a boat hand, a lot of the time I feel more like I’m lost at sea just wanting the next adventure yet fearful of the wave that might hit in the storm. I’m on the brink of turning 22 in the next month and the past few years have already been filled of incredible memories, deep heartaches, earnest prayers, and laughing so hard that it turns to tears.

In this season of becoming I must not forget that it takes time to figure things out. It’s a day by day process, moment by moment prayer. We all have fears of the future and don’t want to waste our life by making the wrong choice. It’s in those moments we need to find commodore amongst our fellow friends in the same season, look to our elders who have conquered the future listening to their triumphs and failures, and remember to not compare our path to the next person’s.

As we rejoice in our victories and grieve the losses, both our own and dear friends, we must not forget that the beauty of this season of becoming and uncertainty is we can rest in the reality that our heavenly Father is directing and ordaining each of our steps---both the fun ones, weary ones, heartbreaking and laughter-filled treasures. 

He knows exactly which circumstance will shape us to be prepared for what we will face.

So to my fellow graduates---just embrace each moment you’re presented with, we’ve got the rest of our lives to figure out we will never have it figured out.  

Speak

Tonight I watched the snowfall and blanket the earth from a big window sitting on a comfortable couch at my friend Alex's church in a small town in Ontario, Canada.

Besides Alex, I didn't know the friendly faces that were gathered around as we opened up God's word and began weekly Wednesday night Bible study.

My prayer as we began was for God to reveal His word something fresh--to wreck me with His scripture, convict where I needed conviction, be encouraged by others and also speak up and share whatever He laid on my heart to.

Lately, I've noticed that in group settings I take on several roles. Sometimes I'm the leader explaining a passage of scripture, other times I am the joke maker, often times I am the listener, and sometimes I add to the conversation. However, my tendency is to take everything in and to not speak at all because generally I can say something about anything (I'm an extrovert and a girl who likes to talk).

But on the flip-side my lack of talking can be a direct result of fear of what people would think of me if I opened up, a lack of ability to have something worth while or eloquently said or thought out, and believing the lies that what the Lord has put on my heart isn't from Him or people just wouldn't understand.

In the midst of people that I have come to know and love in Bible studies I am in, I somehow sit there in silence many times. I sit there thinking as other people open up and be real with me how I value them and respect their thoughts and who they are. That in the midst of their mess, they can recognize God's faithfulness and hand in every detail and are real enough to just be them.

I'm not saying that I am not completely me with my group of people, but for some reason I tend to be quieter version of me. When I am stripped to the core and it's just me, God's word and His people examining it, I don't always know what to say or do.

Tonight was different, however. Because tonight I was aware of my tendencies and postures in these settings. So what better way than in a group of complete strangers from another country to at least say something if God laid it on my heart? To push through the awkwardness of my insecurities and just be me? I hoped that God would make it clear to me in every way possible, and that He did.

Because in that church building with a few young women gathered around that were all strangers but my dear friend, a conversation about the exact thing I have been struggling with for the past few months emerged from the scripture. One girl asked an honest question about doubting the Lord. The conversation progressed into what to do in the midst of spiritual warfare and temptation, how to recognize the difference between conviction and condemnation, how to simply ask for prayer from friends when life and God and attacks of worthlessness and confusion come from all ends and it's too overwhelming to bear.

And in the middle of it all, I couldn't help but wonder if these perfect strangers had been listening to my prayers and conversations the past few months as they touched on every aspect of something near to my heart that the Lord has been teaching me and loving me in. The reality is though, we are all connected by the Holy Spirit in his family (which I know, but yet every time He is spot on in anything, I'm still in awe and surprised at the experience).

So tonight, even when it was awkward in the unfamiliarity of the situation (not to mention, this girl right here is from North Carolina and I was sitting in a church watching snow fall and no one was leaving in a hurry to buy bread and milk) I decided to speak. I don't think I said  anything super profound or life changing, but the words that God whispered to say. He asked me to leave my pride and insecurities at the door and to be open, honest and genuine as someone who had walked the road and is continuing to walk it. Obedience can be awkward, confusing and completely uncomfortable but the Lord is so incredibly faithful.

A Gracious Reminder

A simple yet profound prayer request was asked in Bible study last week: Please pray that God can give me the grace to see them the way He does.

Those words stuck with me for the week and will continue to be words I pray and live by.

Later on in the week my friend and I looked back at old pictures and posts from previous blogs of middle school years. As I sat in Starbucks reading the words I wrote as a 12 and 13 year old I couldn't help but laugh at my words and old pictures, remember where I was at and think about how far I've come, grown and matured since then.

I was embarrassed to a degree as I re-read thing and thought "What the heck was I thinking?"

Getting inside your early teen mind is as scary thing, I don't recommend often haha

But then the words of the prayer request from earlier in the week hit me in a beautiful way: that God can give me the grace to see them the way He does.

Wow. God never sits in heaven looking at us judging who we are, our actions out of immaturity or age appropriate behavior. No, He actually created us from our inception to enter earth completely helpless as a baby and grow.

He wasn't judging me in my helplessness, but provided parents who daily and patiently took care of me while simultaneously sustaining them and me in my infant state of being.

He didn't stop caring about me as my independence grew. In His graciousness, He loved me every state and even delighted in me.

And even now, as I write this as a 21 year-old college kid on the brink of graduation He is graciously taking care of me. God loves me when I think I have it all together and when I'm a complete mess wondering "Why is everything falling apart? Why am I hurting so badly? What is going on?"

He is my heavenly Father who is taking care of my every steps. So I echo the prayer:  that God gives me the grace to see myself where I'm at from His perspective and that I can walk alongside those He has placed in my life and graciously see them the way that He does and love them the way that He does.

Tear down the walls! :)

Today I had the opportunity to grab coffee with Camille and Chloe- two friends that I made essentially day one of freshman year. Chloe was one of my RA's as I rolled up to Dorm 3, an 18 year-old freshman in every aspect of the word. Camille and I would later become best friends in the coming months, despite the rocky beginning we joke about all the time. I also was Camille’s Prayer Leader, which is hilarious to think about from way back when. But God knew what He was doing in orchestrating our friendship.

I became a Prayer Leader almost day one at Liberty--where I was given the responsibility to lead, mentor and minister to five girls. I had no idea what it meant, and boy would I learn.

Two weeks ago I walked with Hannah, my Resident Director and friend, to the Circle because in the campus transformation of Liberty Dorm 3 was in the process of being torn down to build these awesome new dorms.

Despite the fact that Dorm 3 was so old and needed to be replaced, I am very sentimental and nostalgic. I mean, I've lived several places, but a bulldozer straight tearing down a building is an extreme way to say goodbye. 

I arrived at the Circle and despite my knowledge that Dorm 3 was gone, seeing only dirt and a bulldozer in the distance and my old home looking like an advertisement for a disaster relief commercial, I was still traumatized. I walked closer and talked the nice construction worker into letting me get a closer look. While Hannah stays back and takes pictures of me look at the destruction I see something that I will never forget. 

Every Monday, Wednesday, Friday at Liberty the RAs go around and do cleanliness checks while the students are in convo--something I do all the time as an RA now. As a freshman my roommates and I took this opportunity as an invitation to write notes to our RAs--sometimes it would be a witty comment, inside joke, note of encouragement etc. I mean, they were coming in our room already, why not write a note?

So every room check they got a note from us and they’d write a response back. We hung each of the notes they gave us by the mirror and sink along the wall. These notes filled up the wall in our room and something I'd re-read often and look forward to weekly that year.

So in the inevitable destruction of Dorm 3, I had the unique blessing to see this wall and remember where I came from and how special the influence they had on my life. Over coffee today I shared this story with Camille and Chloe and we looked back to that year and reflected on the memories and how much the Lord showed up that year--how much He showed up in teaching us what it meant to love each other, receive love, and live life together despite our imperfections.

How His hand was faithful in bringing me there, preparing me as a senior in high school to be a Prayer Leader on a hall who was planning their leadership team in the early stages. 

I think about the lessons I learned that year and how it set the tone and examples of how I would be an SLD and RA. How I learned how to be a Prayer Leader and the failures and successes I share in showing people the position and what God does. 

Living with people is messy business. But the beauty of it all is that God brings us people to teach us more about who He is in every interaction. My years on Dorm 3 were ones that have shaped me because of the conversations that took place in our humble abode.

Me, Camille, Jillian (my roomie) and Chloe, April 2010

In a cheesy metaphor--seeing the walls torn down and Dorm 3 stripped away, reminded me of how those years taught me to tear down walls and barriers with people and get to the core of relationships so that all is standing is the words from a dear friends who genuinely care to get work past our own insecurities, perceptions, backgrounds and quirks.

At the end of our conversation today we said in 5 years from now, we'll grab coffee again and catch up. We'll revisit the Dorm 3 days and think about the conversation today and how silly we sounded with a few more years of maturity and life experience under our belt, just like we did today looking back. And we'll rejoice in the Lord's faithfulness, sense of humor and lessons he taught us and continues to teach us to this day. 

The 3 of us today :)

Chloe said these words today which I love--"It's not about the glory days. It's about finding glory in each day." And those words ring in my ears. 

What am I supposed to do with my life?

God replies, "What are you doing with your life now?" 

Wednesday night at Campus Church Johnnie Moore asked the question that all of us ask at several points in our lives...sometimes daily. 

I was challenged with scripture and truths that I have learned throughout my time at Liberty and encouraged by the message. The question that was the reply from the Lord, which Johnnie offered stuck out for some reason.

I was challenged to literally examine what was going on at that very moment, who the Lord in His sovereignty had placed in my life at that exact moment, and what my next few minutes, hours and next few days looked like. 

At the start of every year people tend to make New Years Resolutions. I haven't made any this year, while I have in the past. One thing I have noticed though is that I prefer 30-day goals, something long enough to challenge but not too overwhelming that it seems unattainable so failure ensues in a week from discouragement. 

So what have I "resolved" from the lofty question of "What am I supposed to do with my life?" To look back on the Lord's faithfulness, hope and persevere for the future, and to be present. Being present is literally like unwrapping a gift every moment of the day (pun not originally intended). With God knowing me and I seeking Him, He is placing everything at every moment for me to find my next steps and the outcome is way better than anything I could have ever bargained for. 

I've concluded I must always walk in truth of who God is and trust that despite my inability to control everything He does. Once I've accepted that and begin walking in that reality, I should never grow complacent in my identity of who I am as a cop out. I am His child, thus nothing will change about His love for me or His faithfulness so the overflow is how I live and act. I should live each moment with the reality that the power of Jesus and His resurrection is with me. As an extrovert and people person present, Emmanuel, Jesus means so much. Just knowing I'm not alone. 

At Chick-Fil-A about 6 years ago,  16 year old me walked into the break room where the Owner/Operator Art TerKeurst was conversing with us. Art is a man I respect so much for his leadership, wisdom and example. I can't remember all the details of that day, but if I could guess I was probably a bit stressed out about my class load and trying to transition into my Chick-Fil-A working mind as I clocked in. 

Art asked me to do something for him. Okay, boss I'm ready. What can I do for you? "Bethany, I want you to go make people's days, okay?" For some reason those words have stuck with me after all these years. Art didn't tell me "Go take orders as fast as possible and make the most money for Chick-Fil-A. Your work is equivalent to the income." In fact, he told me the exact opposite. What he was asking me to do was to be the child of God I was created to be, walk in the truth of my identity and let the overflow be a blessing to everyone I interact with, including in my job. Art asked me to be present.

So what am I supposed to do with my life? I have a calling, just like you do. To walk in the truth of who I am and look at exactly at who and what is in front of me and act accordingly. That's how Jesus lived--He lived His life knowing who He was and loved, loved, loved. With that being said, we are to use our gifts and talents God has given us to love Him and others in a real and genuine way.

What am I supposed to do with my life? 

Six years ago it meant to share a smile with the guests in the drive-thru, tell a joke, ask strangers how their day was going and genuinely care about their answer, wash tables, answer to my bosses requests, refill drinks, make chicken--be present and make people's days.

And six years later when I don't know what I'm supposed to do with my life with graduation in a few month, the same sweet challenge applies—

 "What are you doing with your life now? The next few minutes? Hours? Days?" 

"As for other matters, brothers and sisters, we instructed you how to live in order to please God, as in fact you are living. Now we ask you and urge you in the Lord Jesus to do this more and more.  For you know what instructions we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus." 
1 Thessalonians 4:1-2