Sicko

Eh. So I am sick in bed with a stomach flu. Not exactly where I thought I was gonna be on this Sunday afternoon. I had a great weekend: friday night I worked, went to Macados with a friend, then saw Chronicles of Narnia and spent the night at a friends dorm. I woke up and felt great- a little tired, but nothing big. I had an amazing Saturday with some new dear friends. We went downtown and had a photoshoot kinda action thing. It was awesome! I felt like a little kid climbing everywhere and exploring downtown. The weather was incredible and it was so much fun! Here are a few shots!

Then afterwards we departed ways close to dinner time Saturday night and I got back in my room and felt a sudden sickness. It came out of nowhere! Hit me like a train. I couldn't make it to the bathroom before I wrecked my room. Gross. I had to clean it up, even more fun (makes me wish I was home...a good thing that Dad's are for haha). Then I felt-ish better. But I definitely wasn't...bad idea- don't eat afterwards. Two more times I threw up....Fortunately I was better prepared. It was crazy- I suddenly got so tired and sick in a matter of moments. O well. Whenever you're sick you always wish you were home or in the company of very close friends. Unfortunately everyone on my hall that I could be vulnerable enough with to let them see me sick was home this weekend. Awesome. haha. I was okay though, I didn't really want anyone to see me miserable.
I couldn't be more grateful for the texts that got me through the night last night. My dear friend 3000 miles away who took a semester off and is always the one who takes care of me while I'm sick at school used her nursing and comforting skills in the late hours of the night so I knew what to do (I am terrible when it comes to sickness stuff haha)
This morning I woke up and texted another friend who came and brought me all the goods I could want- gatorade, gingerale, crackers, and chicken noodle soup.
I am beyond blessed to have friends that care so much!
Now I am laying in bed...haven't moved for almost 24 hours. This is very out of character for me. I never take a day off...but a little forced R&R is good I guess. I really should study...we'll see if that happens! For now watching TV and drinking gatorade are my first priorities. haha

Study High

The perfect combination of being awake, coffee, stride spearmint gum, music, the company of good friends, and the right environment= a pico study high.
The frequency of a study high for me fluctuates.
Today I have one....I understand, a study high shouldn't make me want to blog. I just want to share it with the world.
I am a nerd. I love learning. I love my major. I get really excited sometimes when I study especially with the above combination.
I love it!!! It's comparable for me to endorphins after a good work out.
Okay. I am done with my description. Back to the books!!! Wohoo!!

LOVE

I have to make a decisions in the future.
It's costly.
I hate the fact that I have to.
I need courage like no other and the ability to let go...and let God.
I am apprehensively awaiting before I do anything...I trust God, I really do.
It's just difficult.
LOVE.
Such a weighted word.
To love someone enough that I am willing to let them hate me.
Either for now or for the rest of my life.
That's a difficult decision to make.
But the real issue is I have to trust God to love.
This is the kind of love that can only come from God
It goes against EVERY human instinct.
To love like Christ is costly
The reward is greater
It requires abandonment
And to be honest, it's a really painful process

Future Decided

I don't know the future....but My God does. He has clearly shut a door in my life and it seems as if He is opening up another one.

The problem (for lack of better words) is it's not something I would normally do on my own. It would require me to go way out of my comfort zone and make a decision I don't know if I want to make it. I don't know what to do. Nothing is seeming to make sense. All I am going to do is seek God's will...His call. I won't do anything else BUT that. He's in control.


Yesterday
Is not quite what it could've been
As were most of all the days before
But I swear today
With every breath I'm breathing in
I'll be trying to make it so much more

Cause it seems I get so hung up on
The history of what's gone wrong
And the hope of a new day
Is sometimes hard to see (what you see)
And though I'm finally catching onto it
And now the past is just a conduit
And the light there at the end is
Where I'll be

Cause I'm on the up and up
I'm on the up and up
-Relient K, "Up and Up"


Don't know where to begin
Its like my world's caving in
And I try but I can't control my fear
Where do I go from here?

sometimes its so hard to pray
When You feel so far away
But I am willing to go
Where you want me to
God, I trust You

There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You
- Mikeschair, "Let the Waters Rise"

Quotes to be Remembered

"If you read history you will find that the Christians who did most for the present world were precisely those who thought most of the next. It is since Christians have largely ceased to think of the other world that they have become so ineffective in this."
-C. S. Lewis


"The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of 60 minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is."
-C. S. Lewis

The real problem is not why some pious, humble, believing people suffer, but why some do not."
-C. S. Lewis


"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought I was the only one."
— C.S. Lewis

"Pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our consciences, but shouts in our pains. It is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world."
— C.S. Lewis

"Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn."
— C.S. Lewis


"What draws people to be friends is that they see the same truth. They share it."
— C.S. Lewis


Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh?" he whispered.
"Yes, Piglet?"
"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's hand. "I just wanted to be sure of you."

"Tis a great confidence in a friend to tell him your faults; greater to tell him his."
— Benjamin Franklin

"A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow."
— William Shakespeare

"Are not lifelong friendships born at the moment when at last you meet another human being who has some inkling (but faint and uncertain even in the best) of that something which you were born desiring, and which, beneath the flux of other desires and in all the momentary silences between the louder passions, night and day, year by year, from childhood to old age, you are looking for, watching for, listening for? You have never had it."
— C.S. Lewis

"A good conscience is a continual Christmas."
-Ben Franklin

"Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it."
-Ben Franklin

"Love me when I least deserve it, because that is when I need it the most"
-Swedish Proverb

Content

One of the best feelings in the world is feeling that at this point in my life I am closer to God than I have ever been. There are so many moments I think "God, I feel like I know you so well...I trust you. I have faith." Then I wonder, "Is it possible to get any closer to God?" I mean we're really tight right now....
That's one of the beautiful things about the Christian walk. As we continue to seek God and draw near to Him, He increases our faith and we have that closeness. During these moments I don't always "feel" as in an emotional high close to God necessarily (while that generally accompanies it as well) but rather it is a peace about life even when there are so many unanswered questions. So many things I don't know if I am doing them right...It's almost as if I feel like I am missing something---everything seems okay. I mean I don't have a terrible life but I have my own sets of struggles and stresses. But now I am at the place of complete contentment with the Lord. And when I use the word "complete" it means that He is increasing that completeness daily. I can acknowledge that stuff isn't always what I want it to be but I am becoming who I should be in view of the Lord and my passion is maximizing God's glory in every area of my life. I am in love with my Savior. He can make sense of the senseless things. I will question and wonder about areas of my life, but in the end I don't have to be anxious or worry because I trust Him.
I am in love.

Crisis situations

I am currently trying out to be an RA at Liberty. If you think applying for a job anywhere is challenging, you haven't tried out to be an RA here. I am completely at peace with making it or not...God knows what I'm supposed to do and that's okay for me!
Tonight we had role playing opportunities. One room we walked into there were three girls. One with (fake) blood and glass screaming, another girl with alcohol being very defiant and drinking, and another crying because her boyfriend broke up with her. It was chaos! We had 3 minutes to assess the situation and act and then explain in one minute why we did what we did.
I handled the situation well in the moment and all of the reasons why I should do something, but afterwards I think I went into a little bit of shock. I know it's not real and all that jazz but it was really stressful...I think mainly because I have in a sense dealt with all of those situations in one way shape or form (hospital visits and hardcore injuries, drinking problems, and boys) and to be confronted head on all at once felt like a nightmare I couldn't wake up from....
At the same time, I really enjoyed the challenge and to see what I'm made of...I guess I'm just more surprised that I got really anxious afterwards. In psychology I'm assuming that's what they called getting "triggered" by other emotions and life situations.