Dishes

Tonight at work I was washing dishes and I started thinking a lot getting lost in my thoughts. Mostly I was thinking about next year and all that it entails and how summer has flown by. Today marks the day of one month til classes start--but I go back in 3 weeks. Reality check. While contemplating all of that going back to Liberty has started to feel slightly more real, mainly cause it's coming round the corner. Along with that one of my managers whose known me for quite sometime asked me about school right before the dish washing began. He asked if I was looking forrward to going back and I answered like I tell everyone else with something like, "Yeah. I'm ready to start studying again and do something that's working toward a goal. I do love the school I go to but I love home too and have really enjoyed summer." He responded basically called me out and said, "Yeah. But I know you really miss it and really miss your friends. We'll miss you here at work, but that's where you're supposed to be."
My thoughts wandered more and I thought of how a few of my friends from home were complaining on how difficult it was for them to see their friends from school while being home. Thinking we're on the same page I agreed. However, their complaint was a 45 min to an hour and a half car drive at most to see their friends. I held my tongue, but I really wanted to tell them that my range of friends is anywhere from 4-24 hours distance...so don't even go there. I have been learning the benefits of state schools in that respect but I wouldn't trade Liberty for any state school. There's no place like it and washing dishes made me all sentimental and really miss my friends...like a lot tonight and homesick for school. And part of me doesn't even want to go back because I've only gone for a year, I can't imagine what it would be like to actually leave everyone for real when I graduate (don't worry, I'm going back)... Still yet, alongside that, a still voice from the Lord assured me that He has my best interest at heart and is taking care of me...
O the things that washing dishes late at night can do to the mind...but honestly guys, I really miss you all a lot and don't want to think about it because it makes sad. Wow that was sentimental. haha. Love you all :)

The Diary of Pescatarian

Yes the title says it all. I have decided to not eat meat for a month. I have had this idea floating around in my mind for a little while now. Let me explain. My birthday was on July 12th (which was such an awesome day!! I have the best family and friends in the world!!) and I go back to school on August 13th, thus I thought about what I could do for my last full month of summer, something I wouldn't normally do. While sky diving, cliff jumping, and fish walking were all ideas I thought about I some how settled for not eating meat and go "vegetarian" for a month. But because I decided that I would allow fish in my diet, the proper term that I have been informed of is "pescatarian," or according to wikipedia, "pesco-vegetarian." Now you may be wondering why I would do this to myself? And I was wondering the same thing. I think there are many reasons, and it basically all boils down to one thing- discipline. I read a quote recently that stated, "Discipline is not something you do to yourself. Rather it is something you do for yourself." When it's all said in done, I want to be able to be in the habit of saying no because I can. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE meat. I could care less about saving animals, tree hugging, or any other reason people go vegetarian. I just want to see how much discipline I have to make a daily decision to not eat meat. And overall, that shouldn't be a hard thing. The only problem that it really comes down to is I work at Chick-Fil-A between 5 and 6 days a week...and I felt the difference on my first break yesterday after I had an internal argument with myself if I was even gonna follow through with the whole ordeal. I figured if I could say no to Coke Zero (see video on fb for more details) I guess I could say no to meat. And hey, it's only a month.

The past few weeks....

I have had such a great past few weeks and it's hard to believe there is only one more month of summer!! The craziness started with BE BRAVE summer camp, working in between, VBS Faith Safari with the cutest preschoolers (3 year old's to be exact--the awkward age of not quite independent like a 4 yr old and not quite out of the toddler phase), and then a trip to New York which was actually a vacation as it was intended to be!! Generally, NY can be too stressful and going to an alternate reality that it is does not always mean vacation.
Now I'm gearing up for some more work as much as possible, turning a year older on Monday aka playing catch-up to most of my friends in age (and as my mom and I discussed, since I was very young I have had this Peter Pan complex where I don't want to grow up...I am still there, but I can mask it with taking on adult responsibility while still being forrreevver young), and getting ready to deal with the reality that my family is closer to moving away from Charlotte than they ever have been in the past. I still have mixed feelings about the move to be honest. After I finished at Liberty before coming home I felt so established there that I felt as if I didn't go back to Charlotte I would be okay because at least I had a place that I felt comfortable. However, after returning to Charlotte, it of course changed everything and I remembered why I love it so much and why it's home....Well, I guess I'll see what happens next, but I know that God has plan for me and I rest secure in that completely (after reading the book of Joshua it has increased my strength and trust in God's perfect plan for my life). Besides that my summer consists of laughing and having a great time with everyone I am with and wishing I was at a beach..long island spoiled me way too much! haha. o and looking for a car too/contemplating bringing Lorraine to college, and fb stalking the hall roster like a good SLD should do hahaha. O boy too much fun. Love you all!!

Waking Up Early

One thing I absolutely without a doubt love love love to do is SLEEP. Ahh I mean who doesn't? It's so nice to just be curled up in bed and catching some zzz's. At school, sleep was rare. Yes, my own volition to stay up late and talk or catch up on the days work bec of talking, and due to responsibility of classes, I still had to arise in the morning. I loved late nights and still have many at home in the summer. However, an early morning at school consisted of waking up at 8 am for an 850 class or possibly 720 for a 740 PL class during the week. Pathetically, a 10 am shift at CFA on a Saturday was an early shift. O how things have changed!! Now, I understand the value of those early hours with being home! Yesterday I had a 5:30 AM shift. I thought 630 was rough, I thought 6 was rough...but then the limit was officially pushed back to 530 AM. With knowledge of this, I still decided to hang out with friends til 1230 the previous night. I mean, why not? I'm young! The funny thing is, despite the early morning, it def was not as bad as I thought. When people clocked on at 7 I was thinking psshhh that's nothing! I did pretty well throughout the day minus falling asleep in the dressing room while my mom and sis tried clothes on.

I officially now have bragging rights and now desire to change my actions at school to wake up earlier and do things I don't normally do til later such as work out at the gym or do my devotions esp because I won't have an 850 class MWF. The possibilities are endless and I know that I am ambitious. But maybe, just maybe, being on a hall without many of the same people I'll go to bed earlier??? Nah. Probably not. I think mostly, I want to not sleep to maximize my daytime...basically, I want to be superhuman. Hey, a girl can dream, right? (No pun intended)

Bliss

Laying out by the pool on a float in the sun with no worries. Now that's summertime.

Camp!!!!

Tomorrow I will be trekking on a super exciting adventure to camp with Calvary High School at Camp Lurecrest. I went to camp every year in high school and a few in middle school before leaving for Greece. Going into my senior year of high school I met God face to face in Wait Chapel on Thursday night at Wake Forest University during the. During worship I felt a call on my life to be a world-changer for Him and submitted and surrendered my will to His. I didn't make that decision lightly, and I can confidently say that at that very moment and throughout that week my life was redirected and I would not be the person I am today or know most of the people reading this if it was not for that week at camp (mostly for major starters, I would not be at Liberty). I could go on and on about how awesome Student Life with the Seeekasss '08 and all the fun games and inside jokes we had, but I'll save ya the words. Mostly, what I want for this year as a camp "tribe leader" is to be able to be used by God to minister to the girls he has graciously blessed me with the opportunity of serving. I want the students to BE BRAVE in their walk with Him and know Him intimately, not starting and ending with a week of camp with a mountain top high, but with true confession and lifestyle and directional change, surrendering their all to Him to experience life that is truly life. I want for them to build friendships with others and be sharpened by each other.
I am stoked for all the fun stuff that will happen, but even more for what God will do. BE BRAVE SUMMER CAMP 10!!

Enough to Let Me Go

I've been stuck on this song for a month or two by Switchfoot. I love the music and lyric combo, and it's thought provoking. A cool spin (and not my creation) on the song is if you replace the word "love" with "trust" it speaks volumes as well since trust is a huge part of love. I included Jon Foreman;s (the writer and lead of Switchfoot), interpretation of the song at the end if you're interested :)

enough to let me go

Oh

I’m a wandering soul

I’m still walking the line that leads me home

alone

All I know

I still got mountains to climb

on my own

on my own

Do you love me enough to let me go?

to let me follow through

to let me fall for you

Do you love me enough to let me go?

Back from the dead of winter

back from the dead and all our leaves are dry

you’re so beautiful, tonight

back from the dead we went through

back from the dead and both our tongues are tied

you look beautiful tonight

but every seed dies before it grows

breathe it in

and let it go

every breath you take is not your to own

it’s not your to hold

Do you love me enough to let me go?

“Where love rules, there is no will to power; and where power predominates, there love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other.” -Carl Jung
“Faith is the highest passion in a human being. Many in every generation may not come that far, but none comes further.” -Soren Kierkegaard
This one started with the guitar hook I came up with during sound-check; however, most of the song took shape in a hotel room in Australia. I was thinking about how love (not just lust or codependency that commonly flood the tunes on the airways) actually involves quite a bit of faith. There’s a lot of letting go involved. Two souls in love is an intricate dance of give and take. I can be a fairly solitary person from time to time. Sure, I love being with people, but I also need time alone. I guess I thrive on the poles. So this song is about the dance involved in a relationship the coming together and letting go. The song equates love with breathing- pulling in and releasing. Or a seed, for the seed to grow it has to be dropped and buried.

In our barcode media, love is often portrayed as consumption. As consumers in a commercial driven culture we can begin to view other souls as objects, or potential cures for our deepest fears and insecurities. “Perhaps if I found the right lover I would no longer feel this deep existential despair.” But of course no human soul could be the Constant Other, the face that will never go away. Only the infinite can fill that role. But the silence can be deafening. It’s a fearful thing to be alone. Do you love me enough to let me go? “I can’t live without you”- “I would die if you ever left me”- These are not the songs of love, these are the songs of consumption.