An Ode to Asthma

I was born with asthma as most of you may know. I used to have a nebulizer (or as I called it--the machine) when I was little that my sister would rush to make the liquid for so I could breathe again. I also had other gadgets that I can't remember the name of--one of them I would inhale and then exhale into it to see how well I could breathe based upon where the arrow went. Let's just say lots of wheezing I was in red...and nothing red is ever a good sign. And of course I have always had an inhaler. I know I am a geek at times, but I try not be the geeky person who freaks out as portrayed in the movies...actually I make fun of that most of the time I have my inhaler on me.

I am generally on and off when it comes to asthma attacks per say. Sometimes they happen all the time and a lot when triggered by the weather. Almost always my breathing is impaired to an extent due to exercise, but I generally try to push through it by either ignoring it by turning the i-pod up or just plain ignoring it. Some days are better than others.
Let's just say today wasn't a good day--well this week hasn't been a good week. I was starting to get dizzy, tightness in my chest/lungs area, and shaky. It has been happening the past few days midday and I don't understand why. I hate having asthma, especially because I have to communicate that something is wrong with me that I cannot control. I was at work today and I began to not breathe well again and I had to hold on to the register to balance in order to take orders due to lack of good oxygen. I wasn't coughing though, so it was a silent attack, those are generally the worse. I had to tell my manager to just to ensure if anything did happen they would know. That's the funny thing, I've never had any problems at Chick-Fil-A. Ever. Today was the exception I guess. My manager offered to let me go home early, but I was stubborn and didn't...but she threatened to call 911 if anything happened. That was a threat enough to make sure I was okay even though I scare myself sometimes when it comes to that. I've never actually passed out which I would say is a comfort, but there is a first time for everything.

Speaking of first times I've only ever been rushed to the hospital once for oxygen and it was exactly a year ago today. Funny how things like that work out. I luckily did not have any problems and was able to make it through my shift...It just makes me laugh sometimes though because I'm really bad at explaining "the whole not-breathing is normal for me" when stuff like that happens and I realize that based upon everyone's reaction when I tell them. I generally am okay with the not breathing thing but sometimes it really scares me...a lot. It's a very personal thing and I don't want to express fear to anyone, especially cause they'll wind up freaking out as well. Even more so, I don't want to be the center of attention when I'm having an asthma attack--which is especially difficult when I cough obnoxiously.
Sometimes, I really hate it but it's something I've learned to live with and for that I am grateful.

Hillsong Live!!

I had the amazing opportunity to go to a Hillsong Live concert on Sunday night with a group of about 15 people from the College group at Calvary--essentially, me and my 15 closest friends. lol. The first big discussion and continuing discussion of the night was which Hillsong was playing at the concert? My first reaction was there is more than one Hillsong? What does this mean? Did I buy a ticket to see the WRONG band? What??!!?! Well, apparently, as of now there are 3 Hillsongs--Hillsong, Hillsong United, and Hillsong Live. I still probably cannot tell you the difference between them except some of the band members--mainly being Joel Houston (sp?) and Brooke Fraser. I don't even know what they look like so in the end it didn't really matter. haha. All I know is the main guy was Reuben Morgan who is the writer of "Mighty to Save" and various other songs like that.
We left the church around 2ish. I drove in the car with my American-Russian friend who has his own rules of driving. Let's just say the impt things--I made it there safely and made it home safely...I looked down many times in the car so I didn't see what was going on in front of me, but overall with holding the handle bar in the car glances of concern with the other passengers, we were okay...at least no wreck, I'm still slightly emotionally scarred. haha.
We arrived 3 hours early to the church. Yes, we waited in 100 degree weather with extreme humidity in SC to get in. My friend and I decided it would be fun to try and sneak into the concert prematurely...Let's just say, I found a very promising open door, bypassing security, but I was a little too nervous of getting kicked out of the concert I went back in line. After 3 long hot sweaty, semi-delirious, hours of dreaming of cold air, the doors opened. I've never been to a concert with Calvary and had a bad seat..this was no exception. We were in rows 3-5.
The concert itself started at 730. It was so amazing. Beyond words. It was not a concert, it was a full out worship service. To see so many hands lifted up in praise not caring about who was around them worshiping our Lord and Savior in unity of spirit, declaring His name with talented God-centered musicians from all over the world---Australia, South Africa, and Sweden---was amazing. I loved the fact the words were on the screen, it helped sing the songs I didn't know. I must say tho, going to Liberty, we are def spoiled...Hillsong was for sure a caliber higher than campus praise, but not by much. I am so blessed to have that experience. And speaking of Liberty students, I know there were many there. I saw at least 2 I recognized, one being the regular Chick-Fil-A customer from Wards rd CFA and Arboretum Charlotte. He was one row away from me!! haha. O the irony.
Overall, the corporate worship was incredible. I am so blessed to have had that opportunity and it was def a night that I will forever remember.

Jam Band!

So tonight I hung out with the Calvary group as we normally do on Saturday night which consists of Frisbee/games and then going to Stonecrest (a shopping center that consists of a bunch of restaurants and stores and where we go is by a fountain) where we normally hang out inside Qdoba (a mexican restaurant) because there are so many people outside. I did the normal thing repeating it as always except this time the band that was outside was too good to pass up. Usually there is a a chill jam band that plays Friday/Saturday nights and I just walk by hearing it but give it no time of day. However, tonight from inside the music sounded so good I had to listen to it. So I told my friends I was heading outside to watch the band and two of the guys joined me. I felt like I was in another world. The music was so amazing. I don't know the exact genre but it was somewhere between jazz and swing. The bassist was probably the best I have ever seen. Everyone band member looked so comfortable while playing this awesome music. All the people gathered around were into it. There were many people dancing--the most memorable being this older white haired gentleman who danced with this younger African American girl. I even danced a little too- to clarify once a friend who was a girl joined us, the guys we're way too into how the music was being played. While watching them jam I literally felt a smile overwhelm my face and thinking about it I can't get it away. I loved it so much!! It's fun mixing up the evening and doing something a little out of the ordinary. O something so awesome about summer nights!!!
ps. just a brief comment about my last post- the reason i wrote that was because i didn't realize how much i missed school/people there bec of how much i love summer and the people/places/things to do here. i guess that's why we have both :)

Dishes

Tonight at work I was washing dishes and I started thinking a lot getting lost in my thoughts. Mostly I was thinking about next year and all that it entails and how summer has flown by. Today marks the day of one month til classes start--but I go back in 3 weeks. Reality check. While contemplating all of that going back to Liberty has started to feel slightly more real, mainly cause it's coming round the corner. Along with that one of my managers whose known me for quite sometime asked me about school right before the dish washing began. He asked if I was looking forrward to going back and I answered like I tell everyone else with something like, "Yeah. I'm ready to start studying again and do something that's working toward a goal. I do love the school I go to but I love home too and have really enjoyed summer." He responded basically called me out and said, "Yeah. But I know you really miss it and really miss your friends. We'll miss you here at work, but that's where you're supposed to be."
My thoughts wandered more and I thought of how a few of my friends from home were complaining on how difficult it was for them to see their friends from school while being home. Thinking we're on the same page I agreed. However, their complaint was a 45 min to an hour and a half car drive at most to see their friends. I held my tongue, but I really wanted to tell them that my range of friends is anywhere from 4-24 hours distance...so don't even go there. I have been learning the benefits of state schools in that respect but I wouldn't trade Liberty for any state school. There's no place like it and washing dishes made me all sentimental and really miss my friends...like a lot tonight and homesick for school. And part of me doesn't even want to go back because I've only gone for a year, I can't imagine what it would be like to actually leave everyone for real when I graduate (don't worry, I'm going back)... Still yet, alongside that, a still voice from the Lord assured me that He has my best interest at heart and is taking care of me...
O the things that washing dishes late at night can do to the mind...but honestly guys, I really miss you all a lot and don't want to think about it because it makes sad. Wow that was sentimental. haha. Love you all :)

The Diary of Pescatarian

Yes the title says it all. I have decided to not eat meat for a month. I have had this idea floating around in my mind for a little while now. Let me explain. My birthday was on July 12th (which was such an awesome day!! I have the best family and friends in the world!!) and I go back to school on August 13th, thus I thought about what I could do for my last full month of summer, something I wouldn't normally do. While sky diving, cliff jumping, and fish walking were all ideas I thought about I some how settled for not eating meat and go "vegetarian" for a month. But because I decided that I would allow fish in my diet, the proper term that I have been informed of is "pescatarian," or according to wikipedia, "pesco-vegetarian." Now you may be wondering why I would do this to myself? And I was wondering the same thing. I think there are many reasons, and it basically all boils down to one thing- discipline. I read a quote recently that stated, "Discipline is not something you do to yourself. Rather it is something you do for yourself." When it's all said in done, I want to be able to be in the habit of saying no because I can. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE meat. I could care less about saving animals, tree hugging, or any other reason people go vegetarian. I just want to see how much discipline I have to make a daily decision to not eat meat. And overall, that shouldn't be a hard thing. The only problem that it really comes down to is I work at Chick-Fil-A between 5 and 6 days a week...and I felt the difference on my first break yesterday after I had an internal argument with myself if I was even gonna follow through with the whole ordeal. I figured if I could say no to Coke Zero (see video on fb for more details) I guess I could say no to meat. And hey, it's only a month.

The past few weeks....

I have had such a great past few weeks and it's hard to believe there is only one more month of summer!! The craziness started with BE BRAVE summer camp, working in between, VBS Faith Safari with the cutest preschoolers (3 year old's to be exact--the awkward age of not quite independent like a 4 yr old and not quite out of the toddler phase), and then a trip to New York which was actually a vacation as it was intended to be!! Generally, NY can be too stressful and going to an alternate reality that it is does not always mean vacation.
Now I'm gearing up for some more work as much as possible, turning a year older on Monday aka playing catch-up to most of my friends in age (and as my mom and I discussed, since I was very young I have had this Peter Pan complex where I don't want to grow up...I am still there, but I can mask it with taking on adult responsibility while still being forrreevver young), and getting ready to deal with the reality that my family is closer to moving away from Charlotte than they ever have been in the past. I still have mixed feelings about the move to be honest. After I finished at Liberty before coming home I felt so established there that I felt as if I didn't go back to Charlotte I would be okay because at least I had a place that I felt comfortable. However, after returning to Charlotte, it of course changed everything and I remembered why I love it so much and why it's home....Well, I guess I'll see what happens next, but I know that God has plan for me and I rest secure in that completely (after reading the book of Joshua it has increased my strength and trust in God's perfect plan for my life). Besides that my summer consists of laughing and having a great time with everyone I am with and wishing I was at a beach..long island spoiled me way too much! haha. o and looking for a car too/contemplating bringing Lorraine to college, and fb stalking the hall roster like a good SLD should do hahaha. O boy too much fun. Love you all!!